12-11-2014, 08:57 PM
Hi, I'm a 29 year old, new here and today I was diagnosed with Tactile Defensiveness and other mild to moderate SPD symptoms. I've always had issues with touch to varying levels. I can't remember a time where it comforted me, rather the opposite. I don't react badly to functional touch or brief affection. I can have my hair dyed/cut, I'm pretty cool with the way most clothing feels (with the notable exception of high necklines) and I can hug a friend hello and goodbye with minimal discomfort. What I can't stand is being held, being caressed, being really close to anyone for any period of time. I try so hard to shake it off but I can't. Getting a massage makes my skin feel like its on fire. Sex has become next to impossible and cuddling is pretty much out of the question. Even right now as I type my skin is crawling, just thinking about that kind of contact. I need at least three feet of space in order to have a productive conversation with anyone. If they are closer I can't concentrate. I have some issues with certain types of noise and textures as well. If someone is chewing gum near me I panic, become nauseous and can't focus on anything else. This has been the source of amusement for my friends for most of my life but for me its embarrassing. So is my inability to walk without bumping into something and knocking things over. I roll it off as a joke and then wait to see my legs and arms turn their regular shade of purple from bruises. My relationship is suffering. How can I sustain it when I can't be close to a man who loves me? I'm going to begin treatment for this, I'm in therapy, I know this isn't hopeless but it can be isolating. Anyone out there feel the same way?