SPD Support Forum

Hi,
I am a mother of 3 and I can not stand to much noises going on at the same time. For example if I'm reading and the tv is on, music playing, people talking, dripping water or even a ticking clock. I am unable to understand what I'm reading. It all turns into a void. I can not stand to be repeatedly asked the same question over and over. My children will rapid fire me with questions or just saying mom over and over and every time I start to answer they do it again and it's like my brain restarts. Everything I own has to be soft. Blankets, towls, pillows and even my clothes. Jeans are a nightmare cause all I can think about its how it feels on my skin to the point of utter distraction. I can't wear anything or lay on or sit on anything that is not soft to the touch.. I can't buy shoes new for fear of the pain to come. I can't stop moving. I used to get made fun of in school because I would always rock. I still do it to this day other wise I am so uncomfortable in my body that if I dont I feel like ants are crawling all over my body. I have bad anxiety and am currently battling depression. But still nobody understands. Any noise can send me into a panic if it is to much at once. I'm scared to stay anywhere but home and if not I have to bring all of my bedding with me. If someone has a clock that ticks I will take the batteries out. It's either to much that I can't process anything being said or read or it can be one noise that will be the only thing I focus on. I can't say I want my normal life back cause it has been the same just gotten worse when I had my kids. I don't want them growing up with a mom who can't be there for them when they are just being children. I'm lost and scared and don't know what to do or where to turn to. I need help and people who understand me. Because nobody gets it.

Hi there, I understand. It's tough being a mom and not feeling like a "good mom". But you really are a good mom.
It seems like you would benefit from some private therapy. I have been seeing a therapist for a month now and she helped me see my issues for what they are. She helps me see that it's NOT my fault, I am not a bad person, and I do have good intentions despite what I show to everyone else.
If you can stand the feel of them, invest in some ear plugs. I bought some and had to use them in my last apartment. I couldn't handle anyone's noises through the walls. Noises for me goes both ways. I can't handle multiple noises going at the same time, but I also can't sleep at night in utter silence. I need a buzz sound, so I bought a fan I run all night.
Have you thought about explaining to your kids what's going on with you? I find that explaining to my kids that mommy has a hard time with ____ or ___, they seem to really try and listen and care and want to help me not struggle. My boys learned that if mommy isn't functioning, nothing will get done that they want to get done. I don't mean to do it in some "feel sorry and worry about me" way, just say listen, I have a hard time with it when you all repeat your words or talk at one time. It's good to show your kids you are human and we all struggle. I told my kids I have SPD. They are so curious to know what it is, and my 10 yr old googled it and asked a lot of questions.
Anyway, hang in there cause as you can see you are NOT alone.
Don't let guilt bring you down. If you can, try meditating daily for 5 minutes at a time. I do Yoga 2 times a week and meditate for 5 minutes daily. I cant do more than 5 minutes at a time, but it's better than nothing. It helps calm me down.
Be well