10-30-2015, 04:11 PM
I am still in the process of being diagnosed with SPD, but it seems almost certain that I have it. I had been seeking treatment for anxiety for almost 3 years with no relief. Neither medication nor psychotherapy seemed to help. Then, in one of my recent sessions with my psychologist, I mentioned several of the sensory issues I was having as a result of my anxiety and as precursors to panic attacks. She asked if I thought the sensory issues could be causing the anxiety, rather than the other way around as I had assumed. Trying to answer this question led me to the book "Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight" by Sharon Heller. While reading it, everything just began to make so much more sense.
As I look back, my temper as a child, my defiance and decline in scholastic performance as a teenager, the tension and distance that has always developed in personal and professional relationships, and being told I'm unpredictable or that people have to walk on eggshells around me can all be explained by SPD. I've realized that as a mostly hypersensitive, avoidant person, anything or anyone that pulled me too far out of my somewhat detached state (where I'm able to feel some control over being overstimulated), was met with fight or flight. To make things worse, I've typically tried to tackle things that made me feel that way head on, having no idea I was compounding the problem.
At this point, I've been stuck in the fight/flight/freeze state of thinking for so long, I rarely feel like there are any other options. I expend most of my energy just trying to not take out my defensiveness on others or run from everything. But this leaves only the freeze state, and I've become almost completely incapable of making the decisions necessary to deal with everyday life.
Fortunately, coming to understand SPD and it's effects is like being given a key to solve a puzzle I thought I had already solved, but the original solution made little sense. Though I'm 38 years old, I feel like I'm finally beginning to figure myself out. I'm looking forward to learning from others' successes in coping with SPD while living fulfilling lives.
As I look back, my temper as a child, my defiance and decline in scholastic performance as a teenager, the tension and distance that has always developed in personal and professional relationships, and being told I'm unpredictable or that people have to walk on eggshells around me can all be explained by SPD. I've realized that as a mostly hypersensitive, avoidant person, anything or anyone that pulled me too far out of my somewhat detached state (where I'm able to feel some control over being overstimulated), was met with fight or flight. To make things worse, I've typically tried to tackle things that made me feel that way head on, having no idea I was compounding the problem.
At this point, I've been stuck in the fight/flight/freeze state of thinking for so long, I rarely feel like there are any other options. I expend most of my energy just trying to not take out my defensiveness on others or run from everything. But this leaves only the freeze state, and I've become almost completely incapable of making the decisions necessary to deal with everyday life.
Fortunately, coming to understand SPD and it's effects is like being given a key to solve a puzzle I thought I had already solved, but the original solution made little sense. Though I'm 38 years old, I feel like I'm finally beginning to figure myself out. I'm looking forward to learning from others' successes in coping with SPD while living fulfilling lives.