06-28-2016, 05:29 PM
I am still not sure if this is the right place, or that if I have SPD. At least I am starting to understand what is happening with me specifically.
With me its sounds and how it makes my brain work.
My last episode which was not that bad, occurred in an IHOP. Eating breakfast with the family, its Saturday morning, busy. while trying to read the menu, it hit me. every conversation, every spoon hitting the coffee cup stirring, every cup of coffee poured, the computer printing tickets, footsteps, doors opening and closing, was just bombarding my ears, then vividly I think of images of each of these things, I look around to identify the sounds, and then the image lingers in my head.
I can't shut it out, my wife asks me what is wrong.
"Nothing."
it is a common go to male Bull^&* answer that I myself employ far more than I should when something is actually wrong. in my head I am processing all the background noises, and I can't completely comprehend and understand the menu, my family or anything. I can't make the decision, my wife asks me if I am going to get chicken and waffles like i always do (It's a sickness....beyond the SPD)
I nodded my head and after a eating I tell her we need to get out of there, she wants to stay and enjoy her coffee, I jut got up and left to get in the car, the quite helped. When she came out there she asked what that was about and I tried to explain it, then we started doing some research, eventually I came here.
Sometimes its mild and that's all that happens, this one mild occurrence is what led me to be able to internalize what happened to me, these normally lead to aggressive outburst of frustration that leaves my loved ones confused. I can't explain that I can't express my thoughts when I am in the middle of an episode, and afterwards I feel so drained and lets be honest here "I'm sorry i screamed 'I have no idea' at you but that water from the fountain was too much for me to handle" IS the kinda stuff that crazy people say.
But now I can say my brand of crazy has a name.
I have an excuse.
(BTW I think it is important that we have a sense of humor about this. It's hard enough dealing with this to try to not find something funny about it.)
With me its sounds and how it makes my brain work.
My last episode which was not that bad, occurred in an IHOP. Eating breakfast with the family, its Saturday morning, busy. while trying to read the menu, it hit me. every conversation, every spoon hitting the coffee cup stirring, every cup of coffee poured, the computer printing tickets, footsteps, doors opening and closing, was just bombarding my ears, then vividly I think of images of each of these things, I look around to identify the sounds, and then the image lingers in my head.
I can't shut it out, my wife asks me what is wrong.
"Nothing."
it is a common go to male Bull^&* answer that I myself employ far more than I should when something is actually wrong. in my head I am processing all the background noises, and I can't completely comprehend and understand the menu, my family or anything. I can't make the decision, my wife asks me if I am going to get chicken and waffles like i always do (It's a sickness....beyond the SPD)
I nodded my head and after a eating I tell her we need to get out of there, she wants to stay and enjoy her coffee, I jut got up and left to get in the car, the quite helped. When she came out there she asked what that was about and I tried to explain it, then we started doing some research, eventually I came here.
Sometimes its mild and that's all that happens, this one mild occurrence is what led me to be able to internalize what happened to me, these normally lead to aggressive outburst of frustration that leaves my loved ones confused. I can't explain that I can't express my thoughts when I am in the middle of an episode, and afterwards I feel so drained and lets be honest here "I'm sorry i screamed 'I have no idea' at you but that water from the fountain was too much for me to handle" IS the kinda stuff that crazy people say.
But now I can say my brand of crazy has a name.
I have an excuse.
(BTW I think it is important that we have a sense of humor about this. It's hard enough dealing with this to try to not find something funny about it.)