SPD Support Forum

1. What brings you here?
I've been searching for help for my 3.5 year old daughter, who is extremely sensitive and emotional, and I started reading about SPD and wondering if she may have it.

3. Share a little of your journey if you'd like.
My daughter is a sweet 3.5 year old. At times she can be happy and joyful, but she's sensitive and prone to mood swings and severe tantrums. She seems especially sensitive in places that are busy with people and lights, like airports and malls. She also has great difficulty with transitions like leaving the house or a change in routine. For example, we usually bathe her at night. One day last week, we attempted to give her a bath during the day, and she had a complete meltdown, refusing to get into the tub. Later, when she was calm, she explained to me that she had been upset because she wanted to take a bath at nighttime.

When she was younger, she was very sensitive to noise. We would have to leave the playground if the lawnmower came around--she couldn't stand it. This is not as much of an issue now as it used to be, but sometimes it comes up. There's a song that plays on her favorite TV show. One day she said she liked it, then the next day she covered her ears and said she didn't like it because it was too loud.

Right now the biggest issue we face with her is that she doesn't want to leave the house. It started with her not wanting to go to preschool, but now she's reluctant to go out at all. When she's at home, she likes to either wear certain pajamas, her ballet leotard, tights, and shoes, or just underwear. She doesn't like to wear "regular" clothes. Sometimes I can convince her to go out if I allow her to wear either her pajamas or her ballet things.

I'm not able to figure out what's going on and why she doesn't want to leave the house. She says that she doesn't want to go to preschool because she's afraid of the other children pushing her. There are lots of high-energy kids in her class, and her teacher has told me that she doesn't interact with the other children, except for her twin sister, who is also in her class. I'm wondering if she's overwhelmed by the other kids, or the business of the classroom, or if some of the kids have bumped into her by accident and now she's afraid of that happening again.

Most people don't understand when I tell them that my daughter isn't going to preschool because she doesn't want to. It's more than that she just says, "No." It's that if I try to convince her to go, she bursts into tears, screaming and running from me, throwing herself on the ground, kicking. How can I force her to do something that obviously causes her so much distress?

Some other things I have noticed about her: She's a lot more sensitive to hot and cold temperatures (of food, water for washing hands, etc.) than her sister. She's also sensitive about her hair--doesn't want me to brush it or even push it away from her face with my hands. She breaks her toys frequently and when she draws she often makes holes in the paper from pushing too hard. But she can be gentle too--she knows how to gently pet an animal.

4. Is there any immediate help you need?

It seems like my daughter's issues are mainly emotional. I'm wondering if one can have SPD with mostly emotional dysfunction, or if I'm barking up the wrong tree here. I'm planning to call her pediatrician about this, but I thought it would be good to get feedback from people who are familiar with SPD.

5. SPD doesn't run your life! What are you or your child's gifts? Interests? My daughter loves to dance and to draw.
6. What do you like to do in your spare time? Any hobbies or interests? I love to read and write.

Thanks for taking the time to read this long post!

mimmy,
I am no expert, but this is something you may want to discuss with your child doctor. How long was your daughter in pre-school? It is pretty much a war to get my son dressed and put shoes on, just to get him to pre-school. He says he hates it but seems to be ok after he is there. He is also very antisocial and remains very quiet in the classroom. Another big question: how often and how long do the tantrums last? My son has went for 3-4hrs of physically violent tantrums ending with me physically restraining him, and seems as if he will never calm down. SPD children have a difficult time calming themselves down. Most of the time my son has no clue why he started crying to begin with.

It does sound like she has some sensory issues, but you as her parent, is the only person who knows your child. You can't always compare children as they grow and are so different but since she has a twin you can say this twin does this but this one doesn't. I hate to compare my children but sometimes you have to just to get some answers.


SPD, Autism, Bipolar, and OCD all seem to have many similar symptoms and so many doctors are reluctant to label a child b/c of the fear to misdiagnos. keep a journal of her day, did she have any fits, how long did they last, what started it, how did she calm down, even if she has a good day. Do this for a couple weeks, maybe even have a list of things one twin does differetly than the other. Then show your pediatrician and say these are my concerns.

Good luck with your children and I hope you find a way to help your little girl. It's a long and stressful journey but the sooner you find answers the sooner you and your daughter can start to help each other understand whats going on!

Tabbers,

Thank you so much for your message. It is a relief to be able to discuss this, as nobody seems to understand.

My daughter's tantrums usually last between thirty minutes and an hour, though there have been times when they have lasted longer. She first started having these massive tantrums and not wanting to go out about a year ago, when our family moved across the country. We flew from our old city to the new one, and it seemed like going through the airports was torture for her. There was no calming her down. I just had to carry her through the airports while she screamed and wailed.

For about two months after we moved, things were extremely difficult. We were living in temporary housing, so we didn't have our familiar furniture, toys, etc. Some days it seemed like she was having a meltdown nearly the entire day, and she would even wake up in the night having a tantrum in her bed. My husband and I tried everything to calm her, but she wouldn't let us hold her and would hit us, run away, and bang into things. We often tried to restrain her because we were worried that she would hurt herself, but it seemed to make her more upset.

She also didn't want to go out of the apartment at all. I would have huge battles with her over getting dressed and outside. Once we were outside she sometimes did okay, but often had tantrums while we were out, especially if we were someplace busy and crowded like a mall.

Then we moved out of temporary housing and into our new house, and things seemed to get better. But all last summer the girls and I rarely left home, so that made things easier. She still would have tantrums, and she would get upset easily and hit herself or bang her head on the wall, but she wasn't having complete meltdowns as frequently. When I took her in for her three-year appointment I mentioned to the pediatrician that I was concerned about her having severe tantrums and hitting herself, and he just said that she didn't appear to be autistic and that some kids are just more emotional than others, making them harder to parent.

They started preschool in the fall, and I was really nervous. I didn't think she would want to go, but she did. The only thing was that every time I picked her up, she would be in a terrible mood and start having tantrums about getting in the car to go home. Then she would be in a bad mood the rest of the day. I just chalked it up to her being tired from school. Then she started to have tantrums more frequently, and eventually she started saying she didn't want to go to school. Now she doesn't seem to want to leave the house.

This morning she had a tantrum for one hour about not wanting to go to a birthday party. It all started when I suggested that she wear pants because it's cold outside. She was crying and screaming, and I felt so helpless. I tried to hug her, but she just pushed me away. I tried to carry her to the car and put her in her seat, but she was kicking and bucking and was just too strong for me to force her. We went back inside and she ran and banged the door to her room against the wall repeatedly, crying the whole time. I finally sat down on the couch with her sister and started reading her a book. Eventually she stopped crying and came over to listen, then she sat down on the couch with us and we read a book. When we finished the book she turned to me and said, "Now can we go to the birthday party?" It wasn't too late for us to go, so we went, and she was totally fine going to the car and everything (though she didn't wear pants, just her leotard and knee socks), and did fine at the party (just her usual shyness). I don't understand why she was so adamant about not going and why she changed her mind once she calmed down.

Thank you for the advice about keeping a journal--that is a great idea, and I think it will help a lot when I talk to her doctor. I'm nervous about talking to him because I suspect that he'll dismiss my concerns. Well, maybe I'm overreacting--I just don't know. Best wishes to you and your son. I saw that you posted a message, too, so I'll go and read it and respond there.

(02-06-2011, 01:29 PM)tabbers1227 Wrote: [ -> ]mimmy,
I am no expert, but this is something you may want to discuss with your child doctor. How long was your daughter in pre-school? It is pretty much a war to get my son dressed and put shoes on, just to get him to pre-school. He says he hates it but seems to be ok after he is there. He is also very antisocial and remains very quiet in the classroom. Another big question: how often and how long do the tantrums last? My son has went for 3-4hrs of physically violent tantrums ending with me physically restraining him, and seems as if he will never calm down. SPD children have a difficult time calming themselves down. Most of the time my son has no clue why he started crying to begin with.

It does sound like she has some sensory issues, but you as her parent, is the only person who knows your child. You can't always compare children as they grow and are so different but since she has a twin you can say this twin does this but this one doesn't. I hate to compare my children but sometimes you have to just to get some answers.


SPD, Autism, Bipolar, and OCD all seem to have many similar symptoms and so many doctors are reluctant to label a child b/c of the fear to misdiagnos. keep a journal of her day, did she have any fits, how long did they last, what started it, how did she calm down, even if she has a good day. Do this for a couple weeks, maybe even have a list of things one twin does differetly than the other. Then show your pediatrician and say these are my concerns.

Good luck with your children and I hope you find a way to help your little girl. It's a long and stressful journey but the sooner you find answers the sooner you and your daughter can start to help each other understand whats going on!

A couple of things:

Could you ask your daughter what it is about pants that upset her? Is it the material texture, the pressure at a certain point, how it clings or bunches?

For me personally, there were many clothes my parents couldn't force me to wear. My aunt had to force me to learn how to wear jeans at 12 years old. Eventually I learned to crave the consistant pressure of jeans up and down my legs, but as a child pants that were tight around my stomach area made me hysterical (they still do).

There are many materials that upset me due to pain and rashes. Polyester, Wool, and Angora give me hives. I can tell you the exact amount of materials in a piece of clothing based on how much pain and the type of pain I am in when I touch it.

Have you tried a weighted blanket or jacket yet? I definitely suspect some kind of tactile problems with your description of your daughter.

I use heavy quilts on my bed to weight it down at night. My always clothes cover specific areas of my body that NEED constant pressure. I wear sweaters sometimes in the summer time. It has to be unbearably stuffy and hot for me to not wear pants at all times. There are spots on my shoulders that MUST be covered no matter what I am wearing. This affects my bras, blouses, sweaters, and dresses. Strapless is impossible for me if I don't want to end up hysterical at some point.

Ask her what upsets her after she has had a tantrum and is now calmed down. Write down her answers and look for patterns, since she might not be able to articulate what is triggering her problems.

I used to complain that overly girly dresses had buttons that smelled funny and I refused to wear them. What was really going on where the overly girly dresses had a lot of lace and polyester. Both hurt like crazy and I couldn't express that at all. For some reason, smelly buttons seemed like a reasonable excuse to me as a very young child. So it can also be necessary to look at what she is complaining out, and not just what she says about it.

I thought adults were trying to kill me with all those Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches they gave me. I just told adults that I hated them, but I was really having an allergic reaction each time I ate them. No adult asked me why I hated them. I hope I would have been able to express that they made me puke, hurt my tummy, made me have to go to the bathroom with no warning, and it burned coming out.

Thanks for your message. I have found the whole clothes thing somewhat mysterious because on the one hand, she doesn't want to wear them, and on the other hand, when she does wear them, she likes to wear things like tights and leotards. She also doesn't want to change out of her pajamas in the morning.

Last night we had something of a breakthrough, my husband asked her why she didn't want to wear clothes that morning, and she said it was because the clothes were too cold. I suddenly remembered that last winter we went through this, and for a couple of months I would warm her clothes up in the dryer before she put them on (it's hard to believe that I'd forgotten about that). So I think part of the issue has to do with the temperature of the clothes.

I haven't looked into a weighted blanket, but she does sleep with five or six blankets piled on top of her at night.

(02-11-2011, 05:34 PM)beck7422 Wrote: [ -> ]A couple of things:

Could you ask your daughter what it is about pants that upset her? Is it the material texture, the pressure at a certain point, how it clings or bunches?

For me personally, there were many clothes my parents couldn't force me to wear. My aunt had to force me to learn how to wear jeans at 12 years old. Eventually I learned to crave the consistant pressure of jeans up and down my legs, but as a child pants that were tight around my stomach area made me hysterical (they still do).

There are many materials that upset me due to pain and rashes. Polyester, Wool, and Angora give me hives. I can tell you the exact amount of materials in a piece of clothing based on how much pain and the type of pain I am in when I touch it.

Have you tried a weighted blanket or jacket yet? I definitely suspect some kind of tactile problems with your description of your daughter.

I use heavy quilts on my bed to weight it down at night. My always clothes cover specific areas of my body that NEED constant pressure. I wear sweaters sometimes in the summer time. It has to be unbearably stuffy and hot for me to not wear pants at all times. There are spots on my shoulders that MUST be covered no matter what I am wearing. This affects my bras, blouses, sweaters, and dresses. Strapless is impossible for me if I don't want to end up hysterical at some point.

Ask her what upsets her after she has had a tantrum and is now calmed down. Write down her answers and look for patterns, since she might not be able to articulate what is triggering her problems.

I used to complain that overly girly dresses had buttons that smelled funny and I refused to wear them. What was really going on where the overly girly dresses had a lot of lace and polyester. Both hurt like crazy and I couldn't express that at all. For some reason, smelly buttons seemed like a reasonable excuse to me as a very young child. So it can also be necessary to look at what she is complaining out, and not just what she says about it.

I thought adults were trying to kill me with all those Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches they gave me. I just told adults that I hated them, but I was really having an allergic reaction each time I ate them. No adult asked me why I hated them. I hope I would have been able to express that they made me puke, hurt my tummy, made me have to go to the bathroom with no warning, and it burned coming out.

Warm clothes are wonderful. Cold clothes hurt. Due to my Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis, cold tends to cause my muscles to seize up.

Your daughter sounds similar to my son when he was that age. Sudden loud sounds would cause him to freak out and trigger a meltdown while he covered his ears. He would refuse to eat any hot food. I would cook dinner then put his plate of food in the freezer to cool it down before he'd eat it. He hated the texture of mashed potatoes, applesauce, and eggs. Any warm water and he'd scream that it was burning him. He would get very overwhelmed in crowds (still does sometimes), hated any costumed characters (like Chuck E. Cheese).

As a kindergartener, he was evaluated for autism and ADHD, but nothing fit. Ever since his diagnosis when he was 6, things have been slowly getting better. At the worst, he was having meltdowns 3-8 times (or more) a day. Now he has maybe one a week. His school has been wonderful! They have a part-time OT at the school and he was getting motor breaks in 1st and 2nd grade. I also took him for therapy at a private OT center. He has an IEP in place and they meet at least twice a year to discuss how things are going.

Definitely keep a journal to see if you can figure out her triggers. That will help. Try to give her structure and routine during the day. Any disruptions to my son's routine always cause a meltdown. He always seems to do better when he knows what is planned for his day and to give plenty of warnings about transitions (he has a very difficult time with transitions). For sounds, like the vacuum, I would tell him that I'm about to turn the vacuum on and it's going to be loud. Then he was fine with it. When we arrived at the playground, I would tell him what time we'd be leaving. Then I'd give a 10 minute warning, 5 minute warning, 1 minute warning (or two more times down the slide then we're going). This seems to prevent most meltdowns.

I would find out if your school district has an early intervention program and have them evaluate her. And/or find a pediatric OT who knows about SPD to have her evaluated. Talk to your Ped. Insist on further testing. The earlier you can get her into therapy, the better things will be for you all.

Good luck!