Hi there.
I have recently just learned about Sensory Processing Disorder. I have a 9 year old son who I believe has this. I live on Vancouver Island in Canada and I have to tell you, it's frustrating trying to get anywhere with a diagnosis, or even getting in to see an occupational therapist that knows about this.
How did I know if he hasn't yet been diagnosed? Research, and I have to tell you, it was like a light bulb going on. it was "Oh My God... this is my son"
Not to say that my son has had really great difficulties, but there are things that make him different. We stuck our heads in the sand for the first few years of school. We really didn't have much of an inkling that anything was wrong and the teachers in school just said that he was a good boy and left it at that.
But now, he's in grade four and all of a sudden people were telling me that my son isn't normal (They even tried to intimate that he was autistic) but no one seemed to have an answer as to what to do about all the not normal behaviour.
I have been so scared that my son will never develop friendships, that he will never be able to connect with other children his age. That all his little idiosyncracies (that's how we explained it, because he's such a good boy it seemed like I was complaining) will keep him living a lonely life.
Now, I want to get this diagnosed and I want to be able to learn.. finally, the best way to help my son.
Thank you, for allowing me to cry out and to finally... breathe.
Your son will have friends. I found it helped me to identify other people's idiosyncracies so that I didn't feel so alone in that respect. I went out of my way to befriend anyone who might not be one of the most popular people in the class. Either ignoring their idiosyncracies or using them as a tool to start my friendship with them on.
Hi and welcome!! Your story sounds very familiar! I remember reading the checklist for SPD for the first time, and thinking, "This is my son exactly!!" I just thought he had some quirks, and here there is a name for it! My son was almost 7 (1st grade) when he was diagnosed. He was also evaluated for autism but didn't fit enough of the criteria. So he is "just" SPD, and anxiety. He turned 10 in May and is finishing 4th grade next week.
We were lucky that we had so much support from my son's school and teachers, though everyone was still learning about it. After the diagnosis, I bought this book to give to his teacher (and to share with others in the school):
http://www.amazon.com/Answers-Questions-...875&sr=8-3
My son has come a long way in just the 3 years since his diagnosis and treatments, but the one thing that still rips my heart is when he comes to me with tears, "Why doesn't anyone like me? Why don't I have any friends?" It is my one hope that he will find one or two friends to do things with and to confide in. I know he'll never be Homecoming King in high school, but just meet someone else so he isn't alone.
This is a great place to come to cry and to breathe.
Thank you for your kind words and support.
Lynn, my son doesn't even seem to realize or care that he doesn't have friends. He doesn't seem to get upset until I ask him if he's played with anyone. I have seen other students try to talk to him but he just walks by like they haven't even said anything to him. He has very acute hearing so I know that he is hearing them, but he's not registering the interaction.
Beck, he's such a kind soul, and he will help other students in his class (he's even given lunch money away to other students because they were hungry or wanted something) but he has twice now been the victim of bullying. It's been resolved with my intervention to the teacher and principal, (*laughs* his little sister even went after the bully...) and now they seem to be quasi friends. I just wish he would connect and I dont know how to help him do so.
Maybe suggest that he sit with the children he gave his lunch money to in the past or anyone else he has helped. Just go up to their table and sit down like he belongs there. It is better if he can ask if he can join them today, but some kids need to learn self confidence before they can open themselves up to rejection by asking first.
Befriending his bully is actually a very good thing. Bullies need friends too and one of the reasons some bullies pick on others is to gain attention because they think no one cares about them. If your son can help his friend to feel liked enough that the bully doesn't "need" to hurt others as much, then he is doing the whole class a major favor as well as helping the bully find other ways to solve his problems.
You will find lots of good information here. This topic comes up often.
My son has benefitted from being a part of a social skills group. He's been in weekly sessions at school and at a psychologists' office (they specialize in autism spectrum and SPD). He can also miss social cues of someone trying to be nice and wanting to become friends with him, so they practice real life situations, learn appropriate behaviors. He seems to do better when a situation has been scripted for him. We had his PPT/IEP meeting at school last week and his teacher gave this example of his progress: he had to go to the office to make a photocopy of something, he got halfway there, then turned around and went back to the teacher. He told her he didn't know what to do or say. She told him to ask Mrs Allen at the front desk to help him make the copy. And he did. A year ago, 2 years ago, he would've gotten halfway to the office and stopped dead in his tracks. He would've been frozen there not knowing what to do until an adult found him to help. When he doesn't know what he's supposed to do, he freezes up, shuts down--or at least he did. He still has a journey ahead of him, but he's come so far.
Talk to your son's doctor about the next steps. Find an OT. Find a psychologist who treats SPD (or at least treats autism spectrum). Hugs to you and your son!
Even as an adult, I can freeze up if I forget my goal or don't know what to do. It is a good idea always to have a backup plan in place so that it activates when you get stuck mentally and physically.
My back up plan is "find a safe place to sit down or lie down". Then I rest until I remember the task that I was trying to accomplish.