09-29-2020, 06:17 PM
Ever since I was a toddler, I've been extremely particular about my socks and shoes. I would have meltdowns about whether my shoes felt right and hundreds of dollars went towards buying me shoes that i would feel okay with for some time, then be unable to wear. I would kick the covers off of myself at night because I didn't like how they felt.
As a kid, my socks had to be a particular smooth/soft texture and cut at the ankle or I would be distressed.
Flash forward to high school. I spent four years being unable to wear any bottoms besides leggings because anything else made me anxious and obsessive over the way they pressed against my body. in freshman and sophomore year, I had to wear very tightly fitting clothing or I would become anxious and extremely distressed. I bought myself a waist trainer that I wrapped around my torso as tightly as possible to help my symptoms on some days.
Now I'm 17 years old. If my pants aren't oversized pajama pants, I have small meltdowns where I feel completely helpless and sob. I have to go everywhere in pajama pants. I've switched from being comfortable in tight clothes only to just wearing big, unfitted shirts. if I wear anything around my neck or wrists, I cannot stand the way it touches my skin. I've had days where I brush my hair several hundred times because I don't like the feeling of it and ended up crying. If I can't find a way to clean my glasses perfectly, it's a lesser, but similar feeling. During these meltdowns, I have to lie down wrapped in my thick bed comforter in a sort of fetal position to ease my senses, whether the trigger was my hair, my pants, or my shirt.
I want to know why this is happening to me. I've never hated myself more and I'm only able to enjoy life 50% of the time. I think about shaving my head even though I know it would make me feel worse. I feel like a freak for my sensory issues, but it could be a disorder. Sounds and bright lights don't bother me, though. Does this sound like SPD to you?
As a kid, my socks had to be a particular smooth/soft texture and cut at the ankle or I would be distressed.
Flash forward to high school. I spent four years being unable to wear any bottoms besides leggings because anything else made me anxious and obsessive over the way they pressed against my body. in freshman and sophomore year, I had to wear very tightly fitting clothing or I would become anxious and extremely distressed. I bought myself a waist trainer that I wrapped around my torso as tightly as possible to help my symptoms on some days.
Now I'm 17 years old. If my pants aren't oversized pajama pants, I have small meltdowns where I feel completely helpless and sob. I have to go everywhere in pajama pants. I've switched from being comfortable in tight clothes only to just wearing big, unfitted shirts. if I wear anything around my neck or wrists, I cannot stand the way it touches my skin. I've had days where I brush my hair several hundred times because I don't like the feeling of it and ended up crying. If I can't find a way to clean my glasses perfectly, it's a lesser, but similar feeling. During these meltdowns, I have to lie down wrapped in my thick bed comforter in a sort of fetal position to ease my senses, whether the trigger was my hair, my pants, or my shirt.
I want to know why this is happening to me. I've never hated myself more and I'm only able to enjoy life 50% of the time. I think about shaving my head even though I know it would make me feel worse. I feel like a freak for my sensory issues, but it could be a disorder. Sounds and bright lights don't bother me, though. Does this sound like SPD to you?