I was searching the web for information on being a mom with SPD, and hoping to find some help strategies on raising a child with SPD. I found virtually no information, but did stumble upon this Support website, and thought it couldn't hurt to join and post and see if anyone on here had some good advice, resources, etc.
I only really became aware of my lifelong isssues as SPD when my now 6 year old son was being diagnosed. It all makes so much sense now! Both my son and I are on the more mild side of how the disorder manifests, although he did qualify for an IEP in school for next year. However, what we have discovered through the testing of both of us, is that we are sensory mismatches.
My son is sensory defensive and a sensory seeker. I am sensory defensive and sensory avoider. Our relationship is very fragile, as we tend to trigger each other, especially at the end of a long day of school for both of us (he is a student, I am a teacher).
We both work with the same OT, and she is wonderful, but my daily life is taking a toll.
Are there any people out there that might shed some light on how my son and I might better cope? It is really putting tremendous stress on our relationship, as well as my relationship to my husband.
Thank you so much!
Welcome to the site!
I also am a mother who has SPD as well as 2 of my three little ones has SPD. Myself and youngest are sensory seekers/sensory defensive and my 4 year old is a sensory defensive/avoider. Just like you, myself and my 2 year old tend to trigger each other often.
My advice for triggering each other is figure out what the other one does to trigger the other. I found that distracting her or myself from doing certain triggers. It takes some time and practice but it can be done. Talk with your and his OT on different way she would suggest doing so.
Thanks for responding. You are so right about figuring out our triggers. It is really hard though because sometimes I will "use my words" (haha its like I am the 6 year old), and let him know in a very calm way that I cannot have him jumping on me or trying to hug or squeeze me, but he won't listen. Then I warn him I will be getting mad very soon, and then its too late and I am yelling. I really hate yelling but when the switch goes, its a flood gate. I think also because he is getting so big and strong that it is more challenging for me physically. I think it is just hard because when I try to talk about it with people most people don't have any real clue what I am talking about.
(06-28-2012, 09:42 PM)chark Wrote: [ -> ]Thanks for responding. You are so right about figuring out our triggers. It is really hard though because sometimes I will "use my words" (haha its like I am the 6 year old), and let him know in a very calm way that I cannot have him jumping on me or trying to hug or squeeze me, but he won't listen. Then I warn him I will be getting mad very soon, and then its too late and I am yelling. I really hate yelling but when the switch goes, its a flood gate. I think also because he is getting so big and strong that it is more challenging for me physically. I think it is just hard because when I try to talk about it with people most people don't have any real clue what I am talking about.
Can you find ways to redirect your son when he needs sensory input?
The best $60 I ever spent was for a mini trampoline for my son, and when he starts on his sensory "escalations" I send him to his trampoline for 10 minutes and he comes back much better able to cope. Talk to the OT about other exercise devices that might benefit your son. Right now my son (12 yr old) wants a treadmill for jogging, so we're watching online ads for a used one.
Maybe you and the OT together can assemble a sensory kit for your son, with things like OT putty, squeeze balls, a jump rope, etc. that he can use for the input he needs without stressing you.
Also, I don't mean to sound judgmental, but telling a child you're about to get angry is usually counterproductive. Generally that statement means you're really already angry and trying to manipulate someone into appeasing you, and I've never seen it work on kids. I have seen that strategy generate great resentment in people on the receiving end of it. "No" needs to mean "no" and for a kid with SPD I think giving an absolutely consistent message is critical. I do know how hard that is, because I too parent a child with SPD. He also has multiple medical problems, which makes every day just that much more challenging.
(06-28-2012, 10:20 PM)Marci Wrote: [ -> ] (06-28-2012, 09:42 PM)chark Wrote: [ -> ]Thanks for responding. You are so right about figuring out our triggers. It is really hard though because sometimes I will "use my words" (haha its like I am the 6 year old), and let him know in a very calm way that I cannot have him jumping on me or trying to hug or squeeze me, but he won't listen. Then I warn him I will be getting mad very soon, and then its too late and I am yelling. I really hate yelling but when the switch goes, its a flood gate. I think also because he is getting so big and strong that it is more challenging for me physically. I think it is just hard because when I try to talk about it with people most people don't have any real clue what I am talking about.
Can you find ways to redirect your son when he needs sensory input?
The best $60 I ever spent was for a mini trampoline for my son, and when he starts on his sensory "escalations" I send him to his trampoline for 10 minutes and he comes back much better able to cope. Talk to the OT about other exercise devices that might benefit your son. Right now my son (12 yr old) wants a treadmill for jogging, so we're watching online ads for a used one.
Maybe you and the OT together can assemble a sensory kit for your son, with things like OT putty, squeeze balls, a jump rope, etc. that he can use for the input he needs without stressing you.
Also, I don't mean to sound judgmental, but telling a child you're about to get angry is usually counterproductive. Generally that statement means you're really already angry and trying to manipulate someone into appeasing you, and I've never seen it work on kids. I have seen that strategy generate great resentment in people on the receiving end of it. "No" needs to mean "no" and for a kid with SPD I think giving an absolutely consistent message is critical. I do know how hard that is, because I too parent a child with SPD. He also has multiple medical problems, which makes every day just that much more challenging.
Thanks for responding. I love the idea of the mini tramp! I have talked to the OT about what can work at home, but I haven't found anything that seems to be able to distract him from me, or something he likes better. But he does love tramps so that may really work. Thanks also for the advice about the communication. We definitely need to find dialogue that works for both of us. Its a long road ahead of us!
(06-29-2012, 09:41 AM)chark Wrote: [ -> ]Thanks for responding. I love the idea of the mini tramp! I have talked to the OT about what can work at home, but I haven't found anything that seems to be able to distract him from me, or something he likes better. But he does love tramps so that may really work. Thanks also for the advice about the communication. We definitely need to find dialogue that works for both of us. Its a long road ahead of us!
This is a bit of tough love comes in. When we first got the mini trampoline, my son was very resistant to it. I would take him by the hand, walk him to it and say "Bounce!" Sometimes we had to set a timer to get him to do more than 2 bounces. Now he recognizes how it helps him, then he hated doing it. I had to step up as a parent and insist, just like I have to do with many of his other OT exercises. Therapy, and discipline, aren't fun, but our kids need them and we have to be the ones to make sure they happen.
What I'm getting at is it doesn't matter if your son likes the alternatives to grabbing you; for his sake and yours he needs to do them. Eventually you two will reach the point where he is able to see the benefit of these things and will direct himself to them. But at 6 yrs old, he's got a long way to go.