07-30-2012, 02:40 PM
Hi all, I am 30 years old and I'm pretty sure I have SPD. I was sort of diagnosed with SPD about 6 months ago. I brought in a check list to my Doctor, who was familiar with the subject, I checked 3/4 of the symptoms for tactile defensiveness. I'm starting to realize slowly, how much SPD has effected my whole life. I have yet to find an OT to confirm the diagnosis and start therapy. If any one here knows a good OT in the San Francisco Bay area, who works with adults, let me know. Growing up school was really bizarre for me. I felt like an alien, everyone else just sort of lined up and knew what was going on. Everyone seemed to be doing things that didn't make any sense. Everything good about me, felt ignored, while I seemed to have endless problem. I had trouble making friends, I had trouble speaking and needed 7 years of speech therapy. I honestly gave up hope of becoming a fluent adult at age 11, afterwards which I soon became fluent, Ironically and these days people don't notice anything odd about my speech. I also lacked basic coordination, fine motor skills, my hand writing has always been atrocious and I am a slow printer. School made no sense, and I hated the very cloths I wore everyday.
I knew there was something going on that must explain these things but deep down I felt like some sort of "freak" and was afraid I would never fit in with the world. With that thinking I became an achievement junky. I soon realized that with hard work and focus I could over come my problems. I then worked like hell to get better at school, by becoming aware of my needs as a learner and figuring out how to meet them in my rigid classroom. I studied how to make friends like a science, and slowly began to fit in. I ended up studying Mathematics at a prestigious university with lots of friends. No challenge was to tough for me. As an adult with SPD, I still never really fit in. I was seen as that quacky person who is odd. I would wear flip flops in the rain and snow along with odd long skirts. My clothing was based off of what I could stand wearing, rather than how I wanted to look. I thought outside the box and always had the ideas no else considered. I was embarrassed by my pica, where for the sake of keeping my hands and mouth busy I ate non edible items, but not for any medical reason my doctor could find. I would tear apart paper cups and napkins at cafes. Things that worked out for other people, never did for me. And the things that worked out well for me, other people thought were down right bizzare and bad judgement. Many people seemed to think I was lazy, or if I just tried it there way it would work out for me. Which wasn't true at all. I had a teacher in college who constantly seemed to think I just wasn't trying in her class. Nothing was further than the truth, I am extremely hard working and self disciplined. My sister mentioned SPD when I was 25 because she noticed a child at her work place who was diagnosed used the same adjectives describing socks as I did as a child. For a long time when I was a kid I wouldn't wear any socks (I still avoid most of them today) because they felt to "grindy." They felt like course chains grinding away at my skin, despite the fine cotton they were made of. Two years ago I started Psycho therapy, and learned there that I had been self inflicting pain upon myself to sooth myself when wearing closed toed shoes, pants, or other certain type of clothing. I do feel pain and don't enjoy it, but for me pain is a sensation easier for me to cope with then what I feel when I wear most types of shoes, or pants. I wasn't even aware I was hurting myself, and I learned that I shouldn't punish myself or have to bare the burden for my discomfort. So I stopped wearing anything that could cause that much discomfort in myself, and I tried to stop hurting myself. It took my current situation at work for me to finally admit something was different. I recently took on a third job I really wanted. After the interview, my soon to be boss called me up and offered me the job, she said they were all please with me as a candidate, but they had one problem. They did not like the way I dressed. I needed to wear closed toed shoes at work so that I looked professional for clients. My heart sank at this news, I knew then I could not have this job I wanted. I did not want to go back to hurting myself just so I could fit in. So I called my sister and asked her about that diagnosis she mentioned, and I looked it up. I took my check list to my doctor who diagnosed me. I am currently looking for an OT, but am having trouble because everyone my doctor knows only works with children, and I am an adult. Best of all my doctor wrote a note to my employer telling them I needed to wear open toed shoes for medical reasons, and now I am happily employed wearing very professional black thin socks with black shoes that give the illusion I am wearing closed toed shoes when in fact I am not. But now I have to face the fact I have SPD, and it's the life long effect it's had on my life. I'm glad to have these answers, but It's been hard breaking out of the denial that I am different.
I knew there was something going on that must explain these things but deep down I felt like some sort of "freak" and was afraid I would never fit in with the world. With that thinking I became an achievement junky. I soon realized that with hard work and focus I could over come my problems. I then worked like hell to get better at school, by becoming aware of my needs as a learner and figuring out how to meet them in my rigid classroom. I studied how to make friends like a science, and slowly began to fit in. I ended up studying Mathematics at a prestigious university with lots of friends. No challenge was to tough for me. As an adult with SPD, I still never really fit in. I was seen as that quacky person who is odd. I would wear flip flops in the rain and snow along with odd long skirts. My clothing was based off of what I could stand wearing, rather than how I wanted to look. I thought outside the box and always had the ideas no else considered. I was embarrassed by my pica, where for the sake of keeping my hands and mouth busy I ate non edible items, but not for any medical reason my doctor could find. I would tear apart paper cups and napkins at cafes. Things that worked out for other people, never did for me. And the things that worked out well for me, other people thought were down right bizzare and bad judgement. Many people seemed to think I was lazy, or if I just tried it there way it would work out for me. Which wasn't true at all. I had a teacher in college who constantly seemed to think I just wasn't trying in her class. Nothing was further than the truth, I am extremely hard working and self disciplined. My sister mentioned SPD when I was 25 because she noticed a child at her work place who was diagnosed used the same adjectives describing socks as I did as a child. For a long time when I was a kid I wouldn't wear any socks (I still avoid most of them today) because they felt to "grindy." They felt like course chains grinding away at my skin, despite the fine cotton they were made of. Two years ago I started Psycho therapy, and learned there that I had been self inflicting pain upon myself to sooth myself when wearing closed toed shoes, pants, or other certain type of clothing. I do feel pain and don't enjoy it, but for me pain is a sensation easier for me to cope with then what I feel when I wear most types of shoes, or pants. I wasn't even aware I was hurting myself, and I learned that I shouldn't punish myself or have to bare the burden for my discomfort. So I stopped wearing anything that could cause that much discomfort in myself, and I tried to stop hurting myself. It took my current situation at work for me to finally admit something was different. I recently took on a third job I really wanted. After the interview, my soon to be boss called me up and offered me the job, she said they were all please with me as a candidate, but they had one problem. They did not like the way I dressed. I needed to wear closed toed shoes at work so that I looked professional for clients. My heart sank at this news, I knew then I could not have this job I wanted. I did not want to go back to hurting myself just so I could fit in. So I called my sister and asked her about that diagnosis she mentioned, and I looked it up. I took my check list to my doctor who diagnosed me. I am currently looking for an OT, but am having trouble because everyone my doctor knows only works with children, and I am an adult. Best of all my doctor wrote a note to my employer telling them I needed to wear open toed shoes for medical reasons, and now I am happily employed wearing very professional black thin socks with black shoes that give the illusion I am wearing closed toed shoes when in fact I am not. But now I have to face the fact I have SPD, and it's the life long effect it's had on my life. I'm glad to have these answers, but It's been hard breaking out of the denial that I am different.
