My 6 yr old got I to trouble at school yesterday with four other children. They were apparently playing when one of the kids suggested to run after another boy and "get" him. This child was minding his own business. I was mortified. Teacher announces he and the others having their playtime taken off them. Alarm bells rang in my head. This will have a knock on effect for me as he is usually good at school, no meltdowns. Went to see the SENCO teacher who said they have to let the children know that it is not allowed and all have to have same punishment. I agree with them totally I don't want a bully for a child. But don't want extra problems than what I already have when school is over.
1. How has other schools dealt with this kind of thing.
2. How do you get your child to understand social skills.
My son doesn't see others invisible boxes. He touches people and things. He says what is in his head without a filter. He is rude at times to people he doesn't know. He will look in people's bags and pockets. When I talk to him about it he says he doesn't know why he does it and when I am telling him off he looks elsewhere, pulls faces and fidgets. Not even sure anything is being heard. Know it doesn't make a difference what I said. This is the first child I have had to deal with that has any special needs and some days find it realllllllly hard.
my son is 8 with SPD, two weks ago there was a game being played where they grab on each others coats and wipe each other, well anothe rboy was on top of his friend, ( he does not like anyone he cares about to be bothered ugh)he grabbed this boy and would not let go finally he wiped him and ripped his coat so bad the stuffing came out. Needless to say I had to pay for a new coat, anyway... I have made the principal, asst. principal , his social worker, teacher aware etc... The school was pretty good, he had to go to the asst. principal office, he spoke with him ( of course he did not know why he did it) he lost recess, I made him write a letter of apology to the asst. principal becuase he lied to him about telling me that this happened. The principal emailed the teachers about supervising better on the playground and to discuss appropriate games with the children.
Social skills.... that is tough for them already, but sometimes I think that he has no remorse for his actions, he too blurts out things without thinking about it before he says it. I think this is due to his impulse problems. It used to be hitting or biting people, now it is his mouth! My son sees a social worker at school and is in social groups in school, we recently joined cub scouts, his former OT told me to get him into as many social groups as you can. There are social books for kids, go over with him what could have happened to taht boy and would he want it done to him. I find putting him into the other persons shoes gives a bit more of a visual to them and understanding.
I recently learned that it is hard for a person within the spectrum to make eye contact, so maybe he looks away because ther eis so much input coming at him, you are angry, maybe your voice is raised or a different tone, and your facial expressions I am sure are off the chart. THat is a lot of input for him to take in, maybe come up with a differnt way to get him to understand what he did. Try and think of something to have on hand to redirect, try and train new behaviors for these actions, if you can tell he is going to go in for hte touch of someone else maybe make him visualize that there is a bubble around this person and you cannot pop it. Everyone has their own space and you can't invade it.
Unfortunately my son is a follower and will follow the kid who is jumping on a trampoline that is on a mountian ledge! Repeatedly going over how to make the right choices, dont do what everyone else is doing especially if you know it is wrong. It can be exhausting, but you will see some changes through repetition, you just need to find a way that works for him. THink about what he likes and incorporate it into his sensory diet, use picture cards, get on same page with teacher about what you are doing with him at home so he can get used to it at school as well. FInd a visual punishment chart that he can see what it is he has done and there are consequences for his actions. I have to use a stop light system and he knows when he can move his thing to the next day or not. It wil be ok, it is just a matter of finding what works for your child! Have a great weekend!
Thanks Heather40 for your reply. I do think that when I tell him off he finds looking at me funny, maybe my angry face is hilarious to him. Who knows. Yes I need to find a way to make him understand, I did try and put him in the boys shoes and he did say he would be upset. Whether it sinks in is another thing.
I feel as if I am on his case all the time from morning to night what with the meltdowns before school and after. In school he usually does what they say.
Finding what works is difficult but will keep going as only way.
Have a good weekend too.
I sometimes feel like i am always hounding my son too, do you know why he is having a meltdown before school? After school might be because of having to keep himself together all day. Does he enjoy school? My son isn't as happy about school this year, he hates going, I have him removed from the cafeteria and he eats in a quiet room, he only has to go to music class for 15 min becuase he cannot handle the singing with al the different pitches. Go to his classroom and see where he sits, look at the lighting, se if ther eis something that is distressing him as to why he is having a meltdown before, could be the anxiety of having to go because there is somethig there that bothers him. Something we would never think of would just turn their world upside down. Try picture cards in the morning, I know that helped with my friends daughter a lot! Talk to ya soon!!!!!
I'm just finishing a great book that addresses this (and many other things). I think you should check it out. I think someone on this forum recommended it, but I can't figure out or remember who it was, so if you see this--Thanks.
Effective Parenting for the Hard-to-Manage Child by Georgia DeGangi & Anne Kendall.
Superb!!
Thank you LAC will look it up