I have trouble listening and making sense of what I hear. I don't tend to talk in deep conversations or contribute my point of view because I think things and something totally different comes out of my mouth.

Or I want to speak and I physically can't. It is as if I do not know how to speak. The more I try to get the words out the more I can't speak at all. Then what comes out is "I don't know" or some stupid thing like that when I know exactly what I wanted to say in my head. Eventually even my thoughts are muddled and one big ball of confused overlapping thoughts that I can't even figure out.

I can type out what I want to say fine. I was talking to my boyfriend earlier - as this is making an impact on our relationship - and when I closed my eyes to listen I could understand and get lost less (still happens but less often). At one point I felt confident enough to contribute my thoughts when my eyes were closed.

I had intended to say "when I think about colors I always have to remind myself that red and blue makes purple and red and yellow makes orange before I can think what a color is"... but when I actually spoke that thought the part where I said "red and yellow makes orange" what came out of my mouth was "red and yellow makes green" and I didn't catch it... not until my boyfriend pointed it out. But I DO know red and yellow makes orange and NOT green.

Then later we were talking and it was a lighthearted subject and I said something so backwards it was unintelligible and I did catch it... but couldn't even figure out what I wanted to say!

I usually don't talk much unless it is about mundane things because talking mundane things it happens less.

What I do know is that when I close my eyes sounds that usually have no direction and are one sound become separate. (like the tv from the living room and the wash machine in the laundry room and water running in the kitchen no longer sound as one sound - I can tell where they are coming from) My ability to hear properly increases and peoples nonsense "I can't understand you" talking becomes clear and I can respond.

I am highly distressed and not sure why I can't talk or understand sometimes. I feel so locked inside my own head. I can't "see" and "listen" and "think" all at the same time....