I am a Kindergarten teacher who has SPD, and I would like to express my frustration with the process for trying to get help for SPD children through the school system.

There is a child in my class that I suspect struggles with SPD. I don't go around suspecting SPD in everyone that has behavioral issues, but I think I am qualified to at least notice red flags for a these reasons:
1. I have SPD myself. I've had a label for it, and I've read about it since I was a teenager.
2. My parents work with preschoolers and have connections with people who are experts studying SPD. They share numerous stories of how identifying SPD early has changed the lives of many families.
Now, for legal purposes and other understandable reasons, educators such as myself have to be very careful to stay way from labeling students as having a specific issue. I get that. My struggle is that when I see a student who has 10+ "red flag" behaviors for SPD, I think it is reasonable to suggest a referral to an O.T. who is actually qualified to confirm or deny a diagnosis SPD.

This is really a parental rights issue. Shouldn't the parents have to right to know what I know, and decide for themselves what to do? The child's parents admit that they have the same struggles at home, and they are desperate for help. They are nice people who are trying to be great parents, but they don't know that SPD is a possibility. They've never heard of it. Most people haven't. But, I AM NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO TELL THEM IT EXISTS. I wish I could just say, "I have SPD. It is a real thing that presents certain challenges that you could read about. I've noticed that your child does A, B, and C, (and you've mentioned this happens at home too.) It's at least worth looking into it and getting the opinion of an O.T." But the school won't let me say that. If I did, the parents might take the child to an O.T. and get help immediately. While the brain is young, it can be practically healed in some cases. Time is of the essence. But I'm not allowed to tell the parents anything.

I understand that some parents would be horrified to hear anything that sounds like, "your child has issues." (I think that's foolish, but I understand.) But even if the parents are very receptive and begging for help, I can't tell them anything. Here's why: There are laws saying that public schools must provide services for children who have certain disabilities. Thus, because they are paying for services, schools don't want to put people in services needlessly. (Note: It's not that the individual people don't want the children to get help. Teachers, like me, and all of the special services people I know really want child to get the help they need, but there's a long process because it's a sticky system with lots of paperwork.) There is a long wait list of children who need help.

Here's what I have to do.
I have to try to rule out that I'm not just seeing "behavioral" problems. (Of course I'm seeing behavioral problems. Those are a symptom of the underlying cause.) What they mean by that is, "can you use operant conditioning (rewarding good behavior) to fix the problem?" Well, operant conditioning is generally a very effective strategy. It is scientifically proven, and generally considered just basic good teaching and parenting. However, I believe it can have some unintended negative consequences for children with SPD: rewarding "good behavior" with parent/teacher praise, time together, general relationship-building sets the child up for emotional problems. They say that adults with SPD often have anxiety, depression, low self-image, and generally feel "unlovable". As an adult with SPD, I experience all of those things. My parents tried to be loving, good parents. They used operant conditioning, thinking they were helping.

Here's the problem: Rewarding "good behavior" with attention can create a no-win situation when the child can't control the behavior. It feels as if you are withholding love from the child when the child "acts out," even though the acting out is really a way of saying, "please help me." I know it gets tricky, and it must be so hard to parent SPD children. (I'm not a parent yet, but I hope to be one soon.) I know you do need to teach children what is socially acceptable and not socially acceptable. You have to discourage hurtful or disruptive behaviors somehow. You have to use operant conditioning. But I think we should not intentionally create elaborate systems to overly praise "good behavior" and punish "bad behavior" by giving or withholding affection.

What we need is therapy and unconditional love. There is a way to say, "I love you, but you can't do that." Find a balance. Teach the child as soon as possible how to communicate how he/she is feeling. Teach the child what to do to self-medicate with calming, grounding activities. Teach the child to accept and cope with the disability; do not teach him that he is loved when feels ok, but you want nothing to do with him when he is hurting. When he is "acting out" is when he needs you most.

I drifted a little from the school process, and I could post more about that if people are interested. Right now, I just feel like it is a broken system that is going about things the wrong way. It's not right.