I'm a bit on the frustrated side and need some more advice.
Yesterday I asked my DS show my mom how well he could read. He sat with the book and read the beginning sounds, but when we got to the paragraphs he started saying, "Its too hard. I can't do it." etc. to which I replied, "Ok... perhaps you can read to her another time." My mom, however, didn't like that reply. She started saying..."Well... I guess you really can't. I guess you're too little to read after all." I'm sure you all know what is coming next. Yep... a major meltdown. He started crying then it got worse and worse to the point of a full blown fit. We put the book away and then he got louder and worse saying that he REALLY wanted to read the book, but by that time it was too late for him. My other two kids were sleeping and we have wood floors and sound travels very well. I know they are used to his 'fits' due to self preservation but my mom insists that they don't get quality sleep and insists that the house it totally silent when she is there. Well... this fit continues and she ends up putting her hand over his mouth (not hurting him at all, but just to muffle the noise while she takes him to the other room) Now...I'm standing right there this whole time, but my MS has been acting up and I haven't been feeling well this season due to the heat and so she was trying to help me out by taking care of him for me. I appreciate that from my mom, but in the same token... I'm his mom. I love my mom dearly and she would do anything for me, but she just doesn't know how to handle my SPD kids very well. She is from the school that says, "You're GOING to do this if I have to make you and you WILL learn you lesson from me RIGHT NOW!" She didn't say those words, and once again, I'm not bashing her, she just doesn't understand that if you continue to antagonize him its just going to get SO much worse before it gets better. ANYWAY... so she takes him to the laundry room, sits him down and sits in front of him. She kept saying that you CAN calm yourself down and you WILL calm yourself down and I don't know who told you you COULDN'T calm yourself down but they lied to you. Well... that went over like a lead balloon as you can imagine and he just got worse and worse. As she was asking him, "Why are you crying?" and he would reply, "I don't know" "Then why don't you just stop?" "I can't". I am not a very assertive person, but as I walked in and tried to tell her that he needed his chewy (that he was begging for) she told me, "No, he doesn't need his chewy, he can calm himself down." Well... eventually he had a lull, and as we all know that just means they take a breather for a few minutes before the storm re energizes and life gets rough. He calmed down long enough for him to give her his chewy and left. After she left he was hungry so I made him a graham cracker and peanut butter, but he wanted a whole (rectangle) one instead of a 'broken' (square) one with a rectangle on top. I only had one left and couldn't fill his request and so... here we go again. He went on with no stopping for a goo 2 hours until something inside him snapped and he started hitting me. Now, he KNOWS that hitting is wrong and after he realized what he was doing, he ran off and hit under my pillows on my bed. I stood there stunned. He had really hurt me and I had already been in tears because this had been going on for so long and I was spent and all I could do it stand there for a few minutes. I chose not to go after him because I wanted to see what he would do. I didn't hear anything from him for about 3 minutes then I hear his feet padding on the floor. He says, "Mom, I need to tell you something." While he crying trying desperately to get control of himself. "What is it Iz" I say, "I'm sorry I hit you" "Why did you hit me?" "I don't know. I am just so upset and can't stop crying." (as he is wailing). My heart broke and I picked him up and we both cried for about 20 minutes until the little kids woke up and then we all go involved in some activity. He was on VERY unstable emotional ground for the rest of the night and had a headache (duh!), went to bed WILLINGLY and right to sleep. He had deep purple circles under his eyes and they were really swollen.
Am I a terrible mom? Any sugestions on what I could have done better? While he was throwing the fit after my mom left, he was SO violent (kicking, hitting, pushing) I just stood back and let him cry. I gave him the tools he needed to start the process of calming down: squeezes, hugs, brushing, vibration, chewy, lovies and still... no luck. I just breaks my heart to see him like this. He is really a sweet boy, but I'm about to pull my hair out. Please... anything you think that could help, I'm game.
Thanks for listening to my rambling and yet another LONG post in advance. There just really isn't anyone else who understands and I have just felt like crying for the past month.
Blessings to you all!