Awwww, (((Hugs)))) I know what you are going through. It sounds like SPD, it could be an Autism Spectrum Disorder in the mix too. He needs an evaluation for sure. Things like this will get worse and not better without help. When he is spending time upset and tantruming he is not learning and it will lead to cummulative developmental delays that could potentially be avoided. I would get a referral to a Developmental Pediatrician and an Occupational Therapist. I would look on the SPD foundation's database and see if you can find an OT near you. I would also call your local Early Intervention Program since he is under 3. I encourage you to just be confident and tell your pedi you need the referrals, or a prescription in the case of the OT. E.g. "I'm concerned about his development I would like a prescription for an occupational therapy evaluation and a referral to a developmental pediatrican." Sometimes if you just start detailing the concerns they will try to just make you feel better about it thinking that's helpful but they only thing that's helpful for is for them wanting to get you out of their office and move on to the next parent.

RE your husband. Knowledge is power. If you go through all the referrals and nothing is wrong then you can both be on the same page right? If not, wouldn't you rather know while he is still young and you have a chance of helping him in a way that will make him develop neurologically more normal instead of just coping with symptoms when he's older?