Being a blunt person myself, I understand where you're coming from. I can't say I never overreacted when she peed all over something, but 99% of the time, we just said, "let's get you cleaned up." Right now we're letting her decide for herself, and the only time of day she goes on her own is right before bath, which results in lots of hugs and praise. The book I mentioned in my first post recommends asking her questions about how it feels when it looks like she's going or has gone in her diaper, like "Are you peeing?" Can you feel that?" Does your pull up need to be changed?" I'm willing to try it, but in the past we either get a blank look or "I'm not wet." I suppose it could be a control thing, but I'm more inclined to think she just doesn't feel it or likes feeling wet.