Hi, my 2 year, 8 month old son has not been formally diagnosed with SPD, but his occupational therapist asked me to read "The Out of Sync Child," and I've asked to meet with her to discuss whether she believes he has SPD and what actions we need to be taking if that is the case.

I had both my twin boys evaluated for speech delay about four months before their second birthday because I was concerned that they weren't meeting verbal milestones. The therapists didn't seem overly concerned about one, but when they asked about other issues, I brought up some concern about aggressive behavior in my other son, Bobby.

They referred him for OT, and I'm so thankful I followed the advice of the women on my twin moms' group who told me to go ahead get them assessed if I was concerned. Bobby has sensory seeking behaviors and some sensory aversions, and he tends to get overly excited and likes big, squishy hugs. Overall, I'd say his behaviors are mild when I look at the lists and the stories in "The Out of Sync Child," but there is one that is becoming a big problem for me.

Bobby wants to go to sleep fondling and pulling my hair. It hurts! The past few days, he has been quite sick, and he has wanted to fondle my hair all night long. I don't think he really intends to hurt me; he just wants to fondle my hair how he wants to without regard to whether it hurts me. Corrections gentle and stern, pulling back to let him know how it feels, and threatening not to let him sleep with me (we are not formally co-sleeping; they've been sick and I've been lying down with them to calm them) have not worked.

When he was 10-14 mos. old, he used to grab onto my hair and refuse to let go to the point that sometimes my husband or I would have to smack him (and, no, we don't spank casually) to break him out of the trance he seemed to be in when he would do this. He outgrew that, but lately seems to have resumed with this bedtime hair pulling. He does not pull his own hair, which we keep fairly short.

Around the holidays, I drove the boys down to visit relatives in another state, and when I stopped at a shopping mall to exercise them in the play area, there was a girl with corn rows, and much to my mortification, he started stroking her hair. I quickly apologized to her and her mom, and then Bobby hugged her in apology. He also spontaneously hugged a girl at another playground, much to the poor child's consternation.

Everything I'm reading seems to deal with SPD kids pulling their own hair. An acquaintance mentioned a child who also wanted to fall asleep caressing his mom's hair, but I don't think he was hurting her. Does anyone have any experience with this behavior, and if so, what did you do? Tonight I plan to tell them that they need to sleep in their own beds, but both of them are running fevers and feeling bad, so I don't think they'll stay put through the night. I'm hoping this behavior abates when they're well again.

Many thanks for any insight,

Maggie