Hi all,
it is really shaming to admit this, because I've always considered my son to be generally good - and that's the feedback we've always gotten from creches/nursery schools and from his preschools.
However, suddenly this year, his first in "big" school, things are just going haywire.
he last bit a child at age 2, we've never gotten feedback that he shows any kinds of bullying behaviour - he's actually really small for his age (kids 1-2 years younger are often his height/taller).
Earlier this year we had a note from the teacher saying he had bitten a boy. He refused to tell her any details, so it was only after I dug and dug that my son told me it was when they had to line up (they have a set order) and the boy behind held onto the boy in front and wouldn't let him into his place in line. He panicked and bit him.
then earlier this month, the aftercare called me in and told me he hit another 6 year old girl - slapped her face - because she told him she was going to take his toy car away and he would never see it again, then snatched the car out of his hand.
now we heard that he has bitten someone at aftercare - the teacher told me a girl brushed past him when he was sitting at a table doing homework. He tells me she pushed in front of him in line to read to the teacher. It doesn't really matter (except that lines seem to be a bit problem).
This is NOT how I know my boy. He doesn't do this at home, doesn't act this way with his siblings or cousins.
This is the first year he's been in a "proper" school with rigid routine, uniform (tactile issue!!!), AND he has 30 other kids in the class with him, plus the teacher, plus often a teaching aide/intern. He has big modulation problems and he is just not coping at all.
I'm just giving this as background because I really need advice of how to deal with this.
The aftercare told me that the girl he bit this last time was hitting his head to make him let go. Afterwards when they asked why he bit her, he said because she hit him, then they said no - she was hitting you to make you stop biting, and he apparently looked completely surprised and just said oh. It's like this is pure reflex and it's not a conscious decision he makes.
so how do we stop this??? I honestly just don't know what to do anymore. We've talked it over, we've discussed and brainstormed other things he can do, we've practiced over and over what he can do if something like this happens - nothing seems to combat the in-the-moment reflex/impulse action.
Please, I beg of you, if you have anything you can suggest or recommend, please comment. I honestly don't even know what to say to the staff/teachers anymore when they tell me things like this. I'm so dissappointed in him, but at the same time I don't know how to handle this, because it seems like it's unconscious, not malicious. how do you punish them for something they didn't deep-down decide to do - and yes, we do punish him for every instance, but I feel like it's a token punishment and not getting to the root of what is making him do this.
Thanks for reading if you got this far.
