Hi written.lady,

Thank you so much for your reply - its good ..(not good, that's not really the right word.... but you know what I mean!) to hear i'm not alone in what's going on with this.
I completely understand when you say you are not an angry person - and are empathetic towards others - but when things get past the tipping point and everything bombards you... well... there's no going back - maybe it's 'weak' on my part to act like I don't have some kind of control over my actions - but it honestly seems that way - my thoughts Jam up and I just scream and cry and flail about, or try to run and get as far away from everything that's causing me 'pain.' It honestly seems to me, once I loose it or 'hulk', that im only a passenger along for the unpleasant ride... sometimes as i'm nearing the end of a meltdown im able to get a quick throught in there of - "oh sh*t ! what have I done! I totally didn't mean to go off at that e.g. my mum, my boyfriend - nonono! but I almost always can't express this, after I explode and "meltdown", I tend to then go into "shutdown" and just sit there, kind of numb, exhausted, with no thoughts in my head at all (which is the only time that I don't thinking). Eventually I'm able to go and do damage control ... which is always a terrible thing to have to do.

I talked this over with my O.T - and she did say that it was called a "meltdown" - she said that its when your mind thinks that everything is equally important - everything must be taken in and noticed at once - and the brain and body cant handle it - it's painful and too much! the anger is a "fight" response, and the trying to get away is a "flight" response.

Together we've made an 'plan of action' covering what we need to work on next year. I'm feeling slightly more hopeful.

Also - *yes*! written.lady - I completely understand what you are talking about - when you say it seems to be getting worse with age.. i still young..ishh, at 25, but already in the last few years I've noticed my tolerance for dealing with sensory stuff is very low - and "short-circuiting" (great way to put it) more. I'm sorry you are struggling with other disabilities too, it can certainly add to stress levels!
A service dog might be a good idea - not only are dogs fantastic company, but a service dog can help you extend your world, and stop it from getting too small. Defintley worth looking into. I would love to be able to have the assitance of a service dog... but the more I think about it, the less likely I think it will be as an option, if I want to work with animals.

I'm really glad my post helped you out a bit

Meg.