I'm so sorry to hear about your son's struggles. It's hard to be the parent and want to "fix" everything but not knowing how or not being able to fix it for them. My older son has very low self-esteem too and it scares me as he gets closer to puberty. I worry about him being bullied when he's older. His current school has lots of anti-bullying programs and firm rules against bullying. But who knows about high school. And after all the recent news about bullied teens killing themselves, there's even more to worry about.

He started seeing a therapist/psychologist outside of the school last year. They also started up a social skills group there that he joined 6-8 months ago (there's two other boys in the group, one with autism). We've cut back on seeing the therapist, but he goes to the social skills group regularly. They teach them how to be a friend, how to define a friend (my son has a very hard time knowing what makes a friend), which behaviors might be considered rude, etc. It seems to be helping him since he really has no clue how to act in many social situations. I've heard him say things to his brother that I'm sure came from the social skills group.

Can you talk to the school about getting more help academically? Can they add to his IEP about the other things he needs help with? Have you or they talked about possibly holding him back? It's a very hard decision about holding back or not holding back. Especially when he is tall for his age. People would expect him to act older than he is. Our school system's cut-off date for Kindergarten is December. So some kids could be 4 when they start Kindy. A few people send their kids who have late birthdays and others wait another year. If my older son had a later birthday (his is May), I would've held him back since he wasn't ready socially. My younger son is September, so he's one of the younger kids in his class. But he seemed very ready, more verbal and social, and also tall for his age like your son. He's in 1st grade now and so far he's doing okay. Though he did ask me/whine to me, "Mom, why did you make my birthday so late?!" LOL

Please don't beat yourself up about your pregnancy with your son. You did not cause this. I tried to do everything by the books with my first pregnancy. I cut out junk food, ate healthy, snacked on carrots, did everything you're supposed to do ... and my water broke at 36 weeks. I always felt very guilty that I did something wrong to make him come a month early. Then with my next pregnancy, I miscarried, so even more guilt that I did something wrong. My second son came at 39 weeks. Then next was a surprise pregnancy which ended in m/c. That one sent me into deep depression. And after we had the SPD diagnosis, I read about a connection between SPD and preemies, so the guilt returned. It's a struggle for us parents.

I'm the same way, trouble speaking what's on my mind, organizing my thoughts. I have no skill to tell a joke or a story. I hate talking on the phone and will still "rehearse" what I'm going to say on the phone sometimes. I do better with writing, had always kept a journal growing up.

Thank you as well! I hope we can chat more!