Well, welcome and it is ok to say what you have to say here! I will never know how it feels to be in your shoes, my son has SPD he is 8 so I try to put myself in his place so I can help him better. He too loves animals, bugs, frogs, etc.... Maybe that is where you should start, start small with one of your old passions whether it is painting, drawing, ordering some catapillars from online and watching them grow, start with something small. For instance with the catapillars, get them near spring, watch them transform, then you HAVE to leave the house to take them to the park to let them go when they become butterflies. Go to a park with a pond and make yourself remember what you loved. Bring your paper and pencil with and sit there with your music on and draw. You have to start somewhere, you should not have to feel so bad all the time. This is a GREAT forum and anytime you need to vent we are here for you!!! So welcome!!!!!