I suppose that eventually I'll get past the point where I have to say, has anyone else ever felt like... but it'll probably be a while.

I had an unusual burst of optimism and energy, mainly sparked by everyone's helpful advice and warm welcome in the last couple of days. I used this burst as an opportunity to really try to "clean up my act," as far as doing things that will help me with my tension level. I chewed gum as I drove home yesterday with my dark sunglasses on, I talked productively to my husband about some sensory things that have been bothering me, and I did a good bit of massaging with my small yoga ball on my back and neck last night. This morning, when I woke early, instead of heading back to bed, I capitalized on my relaxation from the massaging and cleared a spot for my therapy ball and spent a good half hour rolling and bouncing. I wore my finger rosary and squeezed it as I drove to work, and I remembered to bring my small yoga ball so I can massage again today around lunch time.

The net result is a confusing feeling. I am rarely so relaxed, so I almost feel as though I'm not alert enough, or my body isn't alert enough. And it's not true; I'm very flexible and responding to stim in a reasonable amount of time. I guess it's just that I'm not used to feeling my muscles not being stressed to the limit without that accompanying my body just giving up in exhaustion, unable to respond.

Sound familiar to anyone?

Not feeling like a disaster area is a good thing, but does take some time to mentally adjust to. This mental adjustment doesn't happen over night. Mostly because the mind doesn't accept the new reality until you have a significant amount of time where you aren't messed up.

The longer you have felt horrible the longer the mental recovery can also take.

Additionally, you will still have bad days and that will give you mental blows each and every time the bad day happens.

In the long run though, acceptance of how to deal with your triggers and issues as they pop up will give you the self confidence to beat back any depression from bad days.

(sigh) It's good to know it's at least a good sign. But I guess I should look forward to my body being confused for a while. Thanks for the feedback.