I am having problems with my 5 yr old and not sure if he is just not listening or that he misinterprets what is said.
We get into screaming and falling to the floor at things I have said. Even if the answer to his question is what he wants.
I am confused, is this him expecting me to say the opposite of what he wants or could this be something to do with what he hears gets mingled on its way.

Sometimes it's things like his socks hurting him so I say take them off and he then starts crying saying "I can't go to school then."

Anyone here have the same problem.

I do think it's possible for a child with SPD to not really be able to listen to what we are saying when they are reacting. We often have to use the least number of words possible to get our point across. When my daughter is in that mode, it seems like she just needs to "get it out" and nothing I say is really going to console her. And there are times she seems to almost intentionally get upset about something little just for the sake of being able to express upset over something.

---

I do think it's possible for a child with SPD to not really be able to listen to what we are saying when they are reacting. We often have to use the least number of words possible to get our point across. When my daughter is in that mode, it seems like she just needs to "get it out" and nothing I say is really going to console her. And there are times she seems to almost intentionally get upset about something little just for the sake of being able to express upset over something.

(02-25-2012, 12:23 PM)Jaffa Wrote: I am having problems with my 5 yr old and not sure if he is just not listening or that he misinterprets what is said.
We get into screaming and falling to the floor at things I have said. Even if the answer to his question is what he wants.
I am confused, is this him expecting me to say the opposite of what he wants or could this be something to do with what he hears gets mingled on its way.

Sometimes it's things like his socks hurting him so I say take them off and he then starts crying saying "I can't go to school then."

Anyone here have the same problem.

Hi, My name is Angela and I have SPD too. I am 29 years old and I still have conversations like what you described. For me, the problem is that I have many thoughts and issues going over in my mind that I am trying to consolidate and resolve. Most of the time, I can't find the solution on my own and, what's worse, I can't communicate any of this very well to my family. If I do succeed in explaining one part of my problem in the hope of getting help to solve something, the answer usually proves to me that I was unsuccessful in explaining my real needs.

Your son may have more on his mind than he is able to communicate. And while the socks may be a real problem, it may not be the only solution he needs, either at the moment or in the long run.

I am learning that it is much easier, and sometimes only possible, to figure out the real issues and the best solutions before they affect my day; it is best to have a plan and be prepared before hand. Here are some helpful communication tools: chore charts, visual schedules, and PECS (picture exchange communication system).

Hope this helps.

Knofskia, thank you for explaining how you are with it, I am sure he has other things in his mind at the time.
How would I use a chore chart, and I don't know what a PECS is or how I would use it.
Even simple tasks like asking him to go and fetch a,b,c he will come back with d,e,f. Even after repeating what I wanted him to get. I know he is not doing it deliberately but wondered if it was SPD or something else.

(Sorry, this is responding to a post that got lost into the internet void, I was typing it up when the maintenance occurred)

(02-26-2012, 05:43 AM)Jaffa Wrote: Thank you for your replies, at least I know it could be SPD.
Knofskia I don't know what you mean by PECS. His paediatrician also said chore chart may help but I don't know how to implement it. Do I do it for the whole day, or just for getting dressed or just when he having difficulties. So many questions I am sorry but some days I wonder if I can be of help to him cos he will scream and flop to floor at everything and I mean everything.

Include things he doesn't have difficulty with, so that he can see the success in that part is my immediately response.

Quote:If it starts early in the morning it goes on all day except in school. Then I feel it must be something to do with me.

If he's like me, then what it has to do with you is actually positive about you. My meltdowns are very different at home (with my boyfriend only), than in public.

At home, they look much worse. There is much more screaming, my emotions are much more visible. But at home its safe. That's where I can show emotions, and because I feel safe there, my meltdowns look different (and its not an active decision. I hate talking about this because it makes me feel like it'll look like I'm choosing when different meltdown paths occur, when if I could choose, there'd never be screaming).

In public, I don't feel safe. I can't trust others. I know they hurt me if I react visibly. I lock it all away. These, while not visible, are actually much worse for me. They lead to much worse visible meltdowns. They lead to constant pain rather than short outbursts. They are clear meltdowns-type reactions if you know where to look, but they don't look explosive.

As I need to add to all my comments about meltdowns, I don't know if my meltdowns are too influenced by the whole ASD thing to be of help to people who's children are only SPD, but it might be good to know that visible meltdowns don't actually necessarily mean worse, just more compact.

I only glanced over the other answers (sorry time crunch) but what comes to mind for me when I read about the socks - giving in and saying take them off and the result is still a meltdown saying he can't go to school then.

I am on the autism spectrum- and rules for people with autism need to be clearly spelled out, and also told the exceptions to those rules. I am not saying your son is on the spectrum, but trying this tactic and seeing if it helps - would benefit you a lot.

I can see how if it is the situation that your son sees socks with shoes as a rule, that he could not possibly go to school without socks. In his eyes, it makes no sense for you to tell him he can - it is a rule and no one should dare break a rule (to this day it upsets me every time my mother goes into the checkout line designed for 20 items or less, and she has a couple more - she is breaking the rule. But I no longer melt down because I know it is ok - but I sure don't like it still!)

When I was a kid and had to walk to school alone, when it came time to cross the roads it caused me to panic.

Why?

Because I was taught (a rule) not to go into the road. No one explained to me that it was ok to cross the road alone as long as I was careful because I was older now. I still held tight to the original rule.

So what happened when the little sign began to flash as I crossed the road? I panicked.

Once I was told by a friend it was ok to cross the road - I was still sketchy and scared, but I didn't panic anymore. Then after a long (long) while, I became mostly ok with crossing the road.

My thought is -if you tell your son (at a time he is NOT putting on socks) that in some instances people are allowed to wear shoes without socks or even buy a special pair made to be worn without socks that he tolerates (I personally lived in crocs for years) My feeling is he would not melt down the same anymore. Maybe even begin pointing out people in shoes without socks to reinforce it is indeed ok - "See, others do it too".

I may be wrong - but it is worth a shot. That goes for any other situation that can have flip situations without real rules, but rules he imposed there himself. If it helps, you can diffuse many stressful times in advance

Valkyrie you have sparked something in my head about the rules that I had not thought about.
I have realised that once you have set a pattern it is done and I have difficulty changing that.
For example when he needed to take medicine and wouldn't we came to a compromise but it back fired on me. The reason is I said take your medicine, have a drink then you can have some sweets. This he did and threw up, why. Cos I omitted to say swallow in between each action and he did all three at once making the stuff in his mouth foul and he gagged. End of medicine. Never to be done again.
I see that with the socks I am omitting to say change the socks for others. I just say take them off which as you say goes against the rules.
I will try that. I think my son has other issues besides SPD but no one is giving any clues and I am not sure what it is.
Thank you all for the help it's great to have others input it makes me see things in a different light.

(02-27-2012, 05:46 PM)Jaffa Wrote: Valkyrie you have sparked something in my head about the rules that I had not thought about.
I have realised that once you have set a pattern it is done and I have difficulty changing that.
For example when he needed to take medicine and wouldn't we came to a compromise but it back fired on me. The reason is I said take your medicine, have a drink then you can have some sweets. This he did and threw up, why. Cos I omitted to say swallow in between each action and he did all three at once making the stuff in his mouth foul and he gagged. End of medicine. Never to be done again.
I see that with the socks I am omitting to say change the socks for others. I just say take them off which as you say goes against the rules.
I will try that. I think my son has other issues besides SPD but no one is giving any clues and I am not sure what it is.
Thank you all for the help it's great to have others input it makes me see things in a different light.

I am so glad what I said helped - it is only recently I am understanding myself in a new light. I wish you all the best in your ventures in learning about your son.

(02-27-2012, 05:46 PM)Jaffa Wrote: Valkyrie you have sparked something in my head about the rules that I had not thought about.
I have realised that once you have set a pattern it is done and I have difficulty changing that.
For example when he needed to take medicine and wouldn't we came to a compromise but it back fired on me. The reason is I said take your medicine, have a drink then you can have some sweets. This he did and threw up, why. Cos I omitted to say swallow in between each action and he did all three at once making the stuff in his mouth foul and he gagged. End of medicine. Never to be done again.
I see that with the socks I am omitting to say change the socks for others. I just say take them off which as you say goes against the rules.
I will try that. I think my son has other issues besides SPD but no one is giving any clues and I am not sure what it is.
Thank you all for the help it's great to have others input it makes me see things in a different light.

I have learned that when I give my SPD boy directions, I have to give him every step, in order, with no omissions or life will not be good. And sometimes if he seems a bit distracted, I ask him to repeat the last one or two back to me.

We have a lot of issues with "mis-hearing" things, where he comes out with really bizarre questions like "What antelope?" when I say "Bring me the envelope". Whenever he does that (he's 12) I ask him "Does that make sense?" then "If you think about it, what word would make sense there?" This problem I know is genetic/biological in origin because his father (my ex) with whom my son has not lived for more than 4 years, does this constantly. My son is not as bad as his father with it, and I'm trying very hard to teach him to s-l-o-w down and think before he bursts out with something. He's actually making progress with this lately, so there is hope that with patience and coaching there will be improvement.

However, if he is on meltdown track when he mis-hears something, that's the fast route to disaster.

have SALT ever done an evaluation on him? I cant remember the test the therapist did with my boy but it showed misinterperetation and lack of semantic understanding. Also that if things have a couple of parts to them then he hears the beginning and the last part or only hears the middle so just totally misses what you were saying.

As for the logic in thinking no socks cant go to school. It could be like others have said, its just such a literal thought process. At some point he'l have heard that you cant go to school without socks and thats then become a solid rule in his mind. I think this rigid throught process I have been reading is atually a part of SPD but initially my thoughts would have been that that is a spectrum type trait. No flexibility of thought or taking things too literally.

The PECS sounds like a good idea - I have been trying to eliminate our use of them and get my boy more verbal but then CCD went into school and suggested he use them even more so who knows lol.

Hope you find some way to work around these things