Hi, my 2 year, 8 month old son has not been formally diagnosed with SPD, but his occupational therapist asked me to read "The Out of Sync Child," and I've asked to meet with her to discuss whether she believes he has SPD and what actions we need to be taking if that is the case.

I had both my twin boys evaluated for speech delay about four months before their second birthday because I was concerned that they weren't meeting verbal milestones. The therapists didn't seem overly concerned about one, but when they asked about other issues, I brought up some concern about aggressive behavior in my other son, Bobby.

They referred him for OT, and I'm so thankful I followed the advice of the women on my twin moms' group who told me to go ahead get them assessed if I was concerned. Bobby has sensory seeking behaviors and some sensory aversions, and he tends to get overly excited and likes big, squishy hugs. Overall, I'd say his behaviors are mild when I look at the lists and the stories in "The Out of Sync Child," but there is one that is becoming a big problem for me.

Bobby wants to go to sleep fondling and pulling my hair. It hurts! The past few days, he has been quite sick, and he has wanted to fondle my hair all night long. I don't think he really intends to hurt me; he just wants to fondle my hair how he wants to without regard to whether it hurts me. Corrections gentle and stern, pulling back to let him know how it feels, and threatening not to let him sleep with me (we are not formally co-sleeping; they've been sick and I've been lying down with them to calm them) have not worked.

When he was 10-14 mos. old, he used to grab onto my hair and refuse to let go to the point that sometimes my husband or I would have to smack him (and, no, we don't spank casually) to break him out of the trance he seemed to be in when he would do this. He outgrew that, but lately seems to have resumed with this bedtime hair pulling. He does not pull his own hair, which we keep fairly short.

Around the holidays, I drove the boys down to visit relatives in another state, and when I stopped at a shopping mall to exercise them in the play area, there was a girl with corn rows, and much to my mortification, he started stroking her hair. I quickly apologized to her and her mom, and then Bobby hugged her in apology. He also spontaneously hugged a girl at another playground, much to the poor child's consternation.

Everything I'm reading seems to deal with SPD kids pulling their own hair. An acquaintance mentioned a child who also wanted to fall asleep caressing his mom's hair, but I don't think he was hurting her. Does anyone have any experience with this behavior, and if so, what did you do? Tonight I plan to tell them that they need to sleep in their own beds, but both of them are running fevers and feeling bad, so I don't think they'll stay put through the night. I'm hoping this behavior abates when they're well again.

Many thanks for any insight,

Maggie

Hi,
Once the fevers go away maybe find something you can get him that would be like hair, the fabric store sells fringe, maybe sew that into a pillow case or blanket. It is short enough not to be a danger, but soft enough to feel like hair, dine a stuffed animal that has longer fur, I don't know how you feel about your son having a doll, but they have hair. Have to start redirecting the behavior, getting them into their own bed so you can sleep. If you cannot sew I can or find someone that can. Pillowcase is up high like a persons head so their hand would be in that position with the fringe and twirl it. Then have something that you can take with you. this is his way to self soothe I am assuming, so might be something you need to take a long, but also socially accecptable. The trance like state is him finally being able to self sooth, it is a mindless activity and probably helps him re-organize himself. You don't want this behavior to lead into school or like you said the mall. Might take some time to redirect, but once you do it will be different.

I agree with the redirection, and I think it is important to enforce the rule that he cannot get his stimulation from hurting you or even touching others when they do not want to be touched. It sounds like he wants soothing tactile stimulation. I agree with some kind of soft lovee or stuffed animal. Would he like a bean/rice box with toys inside to dip his hands and play in? My DS (3, seeker) pulled my hair with force and aggressively for a long time and still does when he is frustrated. He did a lot of other aggressive behaviors like biting, pinching, slapping, etc. me mostly just to get his stimulation- he would be laughing and smiling- or occasionally out of frustration. My DS touches strangers and kids at school too much also and needs help with boundaries (he can say hi to stranger kids at playground, hug kids at school, but only kiss family members, and things like that).

Right, teaching "their space' is so important! It is cute when they are little but if they do not learn it now when they are teenagers and do not know the boundaries it will be harassment! Sad to say, but it is very important to get those social skills in play now.

I agree with everyone that he needs a satisfactory substitute for your hair. It seems a long-furred stuffed animal could do the trick. My daughter has a pillow pet that is a horse, and the tail resembles long hair. Whenever I go check on her in the night, she's usually grasping the horse's tail. I'd also recommend the book Effective Parenting for the Hard to Manage Child. It's full of great tools to handle different behaviors and may offer other ideas that we're not thinking of.

Hi, thanks everyone who replied, especially kath2740, because I haven't come across anyone else who has even *had* this problem. I have thought of dolls, and he used to have a baby doll that he used as a lovey, but she didn't have rooted hair, I think. I had just noticed him fascinated by baby dolls at the church nursery, and I asked him if he would like one, and he said yes.

Sadly, I think some child at day care must have been making fun of him, because a few weeks ago I heard him saying, "I'm a *boy*; I not play with dolls!" BTW, Bobby is a big, muscular child that no one is going to mistake for a girly boy, so his fixation on babies seemed kind of sweet.

Anyway, back to dolls. One reason I haven't gone this route sooner is that he was also picking the mane out of a stuffed pony he had, and he was chewing it, and then he was pulling the stuffing out of its tail and chewing that. He has a big, long-haired teddy that he sometimes pulls the hair on and puts it in his mouth. I worry about him getting longer synthetic fibers in his intestinal tract, but will try to find an appropriate doll or stuffy.

I will follow up on all your suggestions. I think I also want to revisit weighted blankets.

Take care,

Maggie

(01-31-2013, 05:55 PM)Maggie in VA Wrote: Hi, thanks everyone who replied, especially kath2740, because I haven't come across anyone else who has even *had* this problem. I have thought of dolls, and he used to have a baby doll that he used as a lovey, but she didn't have rooted hair, I think. I had just noticed him fascinated by baby dolls at the church nursery, and I asked him if he would like one, and he said yes.

Sadly, I think some child at day care must have been making fun of him, because a few weeks ago I heard him saying, "I'm a *boy*; I not play with dolls!" BTW, Bobby is a big, muscular child that no one is going to mistake for a girly boy, so his fixation on babies seemed kind of sweet.

Anyway, back to dolls. One reason I haven't gone this route sooner is that he was also picking the mane out of a stuffed pony he had, and he was chewing it, and then he was pulling the stuffing out of its tail and chewing that. He has a big, long-haired teddy that he sometimes pulls the hair on and puts it in his mouth. I worry about him getting longer synthetic fibers in his intestinal tract, but will try to find an appropriate doll or stuffy.

I will follow up on all your suggestions. I think I also want to revisit weighted blankets.

Take care,

Maggie

I agree. If he's eating parts of the stuffed animals, it would be best to avoid it. My daughter has a Melissa & Doug doll, and the hair is pretty much bomb-proof. Maybe an idea?

I am allowed to say this... I make weighted blankets if you can't find any. With that being said... have you checked some of the therapy shop sites for something that is twirly like hair but would be ok if put in the mouth?

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