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Married life - shorrocksalot24 - 05-30-2012
I would like to ask any married adults, what your solutions are to being married to a spouse that has severe SPD. I have massive issues with smell, sound, touch, especially within the last few years, and I do not see how I can rectify it, especially when it impacts every thing. There is no way I can make him understand the severity of my situation, all day, every day, now. Its like hell for him, and a hell/guilt for me. Sleeping arrangements - the major issue. Any suggestions? Thanks, Stacey
RE: Married life - beck7422 - 05-31-2012
Start with making a list of things he can do physically with you.
For example: I personally enjoy deep hugs, strong long strokes, and being held.
Sex is a bigger problem for me, but I have another condition where I paralyze when I have too much of an adrenaline rush.
RE: Married life - shorrocksalot24 - 06-04-2012
Right now - I am so angry with his treatment of my situation, that I do not even want him near me. We own a cabin with 4 other families upstate - I have not been there in years, since the family that is there most, are pigs and in 15 years, any time I have been there - I drank to get beyond the mouse crap, stench and so on. I decide to brave it this past holiday weekend and go up. (no longer with sedatives, or alcohol). The 3 hour ride up was hell the cinder block like truck - the bass on the radio - the smells of exhaust, and the temperature. Then at 2am I woke my husband to tell him its either the refridgerator or me - he knew this thing was that bad - and I am talking a noise that ANYONE would not be okay with( I was willing to walk to nowhere to get away from the fridge). Add a dead animal stench under a screened in porch and a outhouse that smelled so horrific OUTSIDE of it (probably has not been emptied in forever) making me nauseaus - I cut the 3 day weekend short. Last night he told me I was focusing on the bad smell, and (since I stated that the kids complained too) I am making them focus on it too. So - up in nature - I "focused" on bad smells and turned my children on to it too. With no numbing techniques, this a massive smack in the face to me, that he could not give a crap, so obviously, about my severe discomforts - I mean - BREATHING - for cripes sake. My fault.......?
When I said about Sleeping - I meant literally - I cannot sleep with him in the same room as me - his breathing is loud - he is fond of eating garlic, and moves constantly while sleeping. In addition I have severe PTSD and when I am tossing and turning or bounce up, I have and incredible fear thing, that kicks in, of disturbing someones sleep (my mother had rage over such a thing)
After 20 years of marraige - in the last few years - I have stopped trying to numb myself from the world around me, and all I want to do is hide myself away from all of the world. My only real refuge is????
RE: Married life - LynnNBoys - 06-06-2012
Have you tried various ear plugs or headphones? I'm not sure what to do about smell. I have heard of people carrying around a cloth with a pleasant smell and when things get too bad, to breathe into the cloth.
As for sleeping, you may need separate beds or bedrooms for a while until things settle down.
Are you doing any therapy?
Hugs!
RE: Married life - shorrocksalot24 - 06-08-2012
Thank you, I have had success in the past with ear plugs, and even my ipod - but then I ended up getting really sick in 2008, and ended up with a multitude of illnesses - fibromyalgia being one, and being allergic to everything, another. That same sickness is what ramped my SPD up to an all time high. Its only in the last year that I stopped taking medications, and drinking(to numb the massive sensitivites). In the past I have had a million types of therapy, and medications - nothing for the SPD. Even though I sought much help for these types of things in the past few years - Adult SPD is something that even my high ranking psychatrist did not give much thought too. I begged him for help, on my sensitivities and anxieties. He actually told me to go work in a flourescent light factory - or a dog pound - to desensitize my self! At least when I explained to him the absurdity in saying that to me, he back tracked that, and used it as a learning experience with his colleagues. But he never believed the severity of what I was going through.(he was my doctor for 5yrs) I really just gave up on any doctoring about 2 years ago - because I could not take it anymore. With the multitude of things I have had going on for so long - I was mistreated, misdiagnosed and so on. Some treatments added to some of the problems. I decided to take a break from all of the doctors. Now - its nearly impossible for me to decide where I would ever begin, to get help.
Sleeping has been in seperate rooms for quite a while now, and my husband is certainly not okay with that. For me - it is the only way for me to have some fairly complete comfort - fairly.
RE: Married life - beck7422 - 06-09-2012
I have food allergies, Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis, and SPD. If my food allergies or Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis are out of control, so is my SPD. SPD can also make the other two much worse.
It took me a few years of hard work, but by getting each condition better under control I was able to improve the others.
For my food allergies, I had to do 100% avoidance and stop cheating so much because some of my food allergens taste real good. Trying to manage my Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis actually helped with that, since a lot of my food allergies are in sweets and due to the Hypokalemic Periodic Paralysis I had to keep the number of carbohydrates in general real low (sweets have a lot of carbohydrates).
Once I got those two conditions mostly under control, my SPD stopped getting worse on a seemingly daily basis. With the exception of smell, my senses have not gotten worse in about a year and a half and have actually gotten much better. Prior to that, at least every 3 months I would see a big increase in my sensitivity levels.
RE: Married life - Amygdalia - 06-14-2012
That sounds so familiar to me! My husband gets so frustrated sometimes that I'm hearing a "wobble" in the noise of the fan that we use to try and block other sounds at night. Or I'll smell something or hear something. Or he'll scratch is nose in bed or something ridiculous like that and I just bolt upright in alarm. We haven't been able to sleep in the same bed for close to three years. It seems to be getting worse for me, just the anxiety of having him there is enough to put me on alert.
I wish I had some suggestions for you. Earplugs can work sometimes - but I find that with snoring and some other noises I feel the vibration even if I can't hear the noise. Smell . . . can I tell you how good it is to hear that I'm not the only one who is affected by this? Sometimes I can't even face in the same direction as my husband because I can smell his breath, or just his normal body odor. And I'm too timid to say "dude, go use some Listerine" or "you need a shower."
Anyway . . . I know that wasn't at all helpful to you, other than to perhaps know that you're not alone in how you're feeling.
I would say (from experience) that alcohol can only numb so far, and then it can make things worse.
I hope you're able to get some relief! I hope we're all able to get some relief!
Take care,
Amy
RE: Married life - shorrocksalot24 - 06-15-2012
Thank you, it does help to know I am not alone. The smell and sound - are at a all time high of dibilitating to me. I have two boys, 11 and 15. I honestly did not alway know that I was the off one. I just thought that everyone else just was not as perceptive as me. Now that I know whats at play, I am not as frustrated with the boys, and husband for not being able to smell and hear everything. But still - my boys understand, my husband - not so much. Breath, body odor! I alway know when the kids have had pizza or ranch (not a good thing) Funny how garlic can smell good, until its in someones body! It is gut wrenching having to distance the people you love - when its not them, but our extreme sensitivities. Being surrounded by "MEN", I have to speak up, because I need oxygen!!
- Nose plugs are even more uncomfortable that ear plugs, I have attempted it! There is a machine called Sound Screen used in doctor offices(I saw one today) - I will definitely be checking that out to see if that is a possible solution (all other things are not working well)
RE: Married life - Amygdalia - 06-15-2012
I hope the Sound Screen works for you! I bought something like that . . . I can't remember if that's what it was called, but it was a small round white noise maker like the ones you see at Dr. offices. It worked great for a while. Then it developed a wobble. Then of course the wobble is all I can hear.
I wish I didn't feel like my husband doesn't understand how extreme it is for me, at times. I know he gets frustrated . . . but that just makes me more hesitant to tell him things, like when I need to move away from him because of his smell, or why I don't want to kiss him.
And my frustration with my kids' noises. I know they're kids, and I try so hard to just let them "be." But my son never stops talking or making noises. And right now he's playing Wii. I'd love to toss the remote right through the tv screen! I have a lot of Mommy guilt for feeling nothing but frustration so much of the time. And then my husband asks if I even like them, because I don't want to be around them. He really doesn't understand, though he tries to. I know he gets frustrated with the situation too . . . but he doesn't get angry with my son for his food allergies, why should he get angry with me for my sensory problems? I'm no more in control of them than my son is his allergies.
Amy
RE: Married life - Tuttleturtle - 06-15-2012
(06-15-2012, 07:27 PM)shorrocksalot24 Wrote: Nose plugs are even more uncomfortable that ear plugs, I have attempted it!
What did you use for a nose plug? I've not managed to find any