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+--- Thread: newlywed blues and I need help (/thread-1167.html)
newlywed blues and I need help - lotsojoy - 02-05-2014
Hi all,
I'm skeptical (but hopeful?) that anyone will actually read this, but I'm here because it's about time that I get some support for my SPD. I got married 4 months ago, and even though my husband is wonderful, I am afraid of what might happen if I don't deal with my issues.
I've had SPD my whole life, and it's been a constant struggle. Mostly, as my friend you would have no idea, but it created a lot of painful moments growing up, especially in my relationship with my parents and sister. We didn't have a label for it until I was 18, but from an early age my mother thought something was up because I was so easily startled and I howled when she brushed my hair or I had to go outside when it was windy.
Now I cope life pretty well on a daily basis, but I think I have emotional issues. I say "I think" because it's been difficult to admit to myself that I really have SPD and that it is a real thing that makes my life extra challenging. (Does anyone else struggle with denial?) I've tried to be normal my whole life, but it's fighting a losing battle. I guess it's no wonder adults with SPD often have a low self-image, anxiety, depression, and other emotional issues because it would wear anyone out to try so hard to be something you're not.
It kind of came to a boiling point the week because I teach kindergarten, (Me, teaching 30 students! I never would have dreamed it. I'm not good at it. I'm terribly disorganized, etc., but that's another story) and I have a student in my class who seems to have SPD (from my experience, it seems obvious, but I'm not qualified to label it). Anyway, I'm trying to get her some help through the proper channels, but the women I have to go through keeps implying that her "misbehavior" is a result of me being too easy on her. This is when I really started to understand how my mom must have felt, because she always tried SO HARD to parent me right, and discipline me, but I would just collapse emotionally and dig myself into a deeper whole. The truth is that what is great parenting for normal kids, is just not going to work with SPD kids, and IT'S NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT TRYING!
Sorry for the long intro. Anyway, this brought my own issues to the surface, and my husband doesn't know what to do. He got angry that I keep bringing home negative emotions from work. He is sick of hearing that work is hard, or I don't want to go to work, or me "letting stuff get to me". Trust me, I want to leave work at work, but how to I do it? Sometimes I just feel so insecure and emotionally exhausted. I can't stop worrying and feeling blue. I really want to. When I go to him for a hug, he sometimes moves away from me and says I'm too needy. I get that, but it hurts. How can I fix myself?
Reply to me about: emotional issues, marriage, teaching, SPD kids, SPD parenting, etc. Any conversations will hopefully help me get it into my brain that this is actually a real thing; trying harder isn't the answer; and I'm not alone.
Thanks.
RE: newlywed blues and I need help - Dani - 02-11-2014
Well hi there, lotsojoy! Welcome to the site!
It's true, things can be quiet here, but I do like to make sure that everyone gets greeted at some point. Sounds like you've done quite a bit with your life despite the challenges, and for that you can very proud of yourself. I agree with you though, that it probably is about time you start looking after yourself in some of these areas where you need more help. No one can really do this whole 'life thing' on their own, and neither can we SPD people, no matter how hard many of us try, haha!
Anyhow, I hope you enjoy your time here and get to know people, getting the support you need as well. Best wishes and welcome once more.
RE: newlywed blues and I need help - phaedypants - 04-27-2014
I just joined the group too. I am pretty sure my boyfriend has SPD, and we experience the same challenges in our relationship that you are describing. I really want to be supportive, but sometimes find myself becoming impatient in the moment, and I know it hurts him. Like you, he is trying SO HARD, and I know that. Your husband probably knows that too, but maybe he needs some support himself in learning how to cope. When I act impatient or unsupportive, its usually because I'm exhausted myself. In my heart of hearts, I only want to encourage and support him.
I think couples can look for too much in each other. You probably need support outside of your marriage, and he does too.
RE: newlywed blues and I need help - Elizabeth - 05-20-2014
I am reading a book called self-compassion. It has nothing about sensory integration dysfunction but it will teach you how to be kind to yourself and give yourself the emotional support that you need.It by Kristin Neff.With SI you have to comfort your senses why not add yourself to the mix?You can always be there for yourself and if you comfort yourself you will be less reliant on your husband for comfort. You can also seek outside support.You need to give yourself a break. You did not ask for this problem with your senses. None of us did.Its time for us all to be kind to ourselves.