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Hi from a mother and daughter combo - wishIhadknown - 10-19-2010
Hope I am doing this correctly. If not, I shall figure it out.
I began looking into sensory disorders when my daughter was diagnosed with low registration. She was hitting, biting, screaming, could not effective communicate at age 2. With speech to OT, she has improved.
However, since we moved to a new state, things have regressed and new symptoms have popped up. And I began to look into things again.
What I have come to realize is that all the little qwirks that I deal with everyday complete with a meltdown stage sometimes where I just shut down and I need to drink peppermint or soak in the bath....
I AM dealing with a sensory disorder myself, and it is the same one my daughter is now facing. While she is being assessed, I have not been. But all the questions the doctors ask me about her, and all the coping strategies they suggest... It dawned on me earlier this week that they were describing me.
And so I come to you seeking a community who understand why I cringe when someone lightly touches my skin, or lose it after a stressful day and my kids are in my face... when light, sound, fast movement irritates me... I go have me time in nature, in the park, or in the tub.
I want to understand why my daughter shy's away and yells OWIE when someone takes her by the hand or hugs her unannounced. Why she rubs textured objects across her feet and palms and face. Why she too has meltdowns.
We both appear to be dealing with Sensory Defensiveness on varying degrees. She is well on her way to intervention, but I want to help me as well.
Thanks
wishihadknown
RE: Hi from a mother and daughter combo - Dani - 10-19-2010
Hello wishIhadknown, and welcome to SPD International
.(10-19-2010, 11:01 AM)wishIhadknown Wrote: And so I come to you seeking a community who understand why I cringe when someone lightly touches my skin, or lose it after a stressful day and my kids are in my face... when light, sound, fast movement irritates me... I go have me time in nature, in the park, or in the tub.And I think you have found the right community!
You cringe when someone lightly touches your skin (as do I, or worse, lol) because you have tactile defensiveness and you have an intense, unusual reaction to this stimuli. It is physically aggravating.
You loose it at the end of a stressful day because all of us sensory defensives do. Our systems, as poorly adjusted as they are, can only handle so much before it's too late and a meltdown becomes imminent. I loose it after work shifts and classes a lot, myself. I certainly understand.
Quote:I want to understand why my daughter shy's away and yells OWIE when someone takes her by the hand or hugs her unannounced. Why she rubs textured objects across her feet and palms and face. Why she too has meltdowns.And I think you can learn these things here, if you aren't already aware. Your daughter shies away and yells in these situations because she too is tactile defensive. Taking her by the hand, unless it's firm touch, can certainly be a cause for discomfort and alarm. The unexpected hug can have the same effect, serving as a sudden alarm, triggering a fight of flight reaction. As you may have figured, her meltdown are also similar to why you have meltdowns - overload to the breaking point.
She rubs certain texture objects across her feet, palms, and face as a form of sensory seeking, most likely. Again, this ties into the tactile sense. Your daughter craves these textures, so she surrounds herself in them as they help her to calm and regulate.
Well, I hope you are able to find all the answers and support you need here
. I am glad to see you on. Care to share a bit more about yourself and any interests you may have? Hey, we can get to know each other here too. I want this to be a place for people to find each other and start up supportive friendships, which is a form of therapy in itself. Take care .
RE: Hi from a mother and daughter combo - wishIhadknown - 10-19-2010
(10-19-2010, 11:38 AM)Dan Wrote: Hello wishIhadknown, and welcome to SPD International
(10-19-2010, 11:01 AM)wishIhadknown Wrote: And so I come to you seeking a community who understand why I cringe when someone lightly touches my skin, or lose it after a stressful day and my kids are in my face... when light, sound, fast movement irritates me... I go have me time in nature, in the park, or in the tub.And I think you have found the right community!
You cringe when someone lightly touches your skin (as do I, or worse, lol) because you have tactile defensiveness and you have an intense, unusual reaction to this stimuli. It is physically aggravating.
You loose it at the end of a stressful day because all of us sensory defensives do. Our systems, as poorly adjusted as they are, can only handle so much before it's too late and a meltdown becomes imminent. I loose it after work shifts and classes a lot, myself. I certainly understand.
Quote:I want to understand why my daughter shy's away and yells OWIE when someone takes her by the hand or hugs her unannounced. Why she rubs textured objects across her feet and palms and face. Why she too has meltdowns.And I think you can learn these things here, if you aren't already aware. Your daughter shies away and yells in these situations because she too is tactile defensive. Taking her by the hand, unless it's firm touch, can certainly be a cause for discomfort and alarm. The unexpected hug can have the same effect, serving as a sudden alarm, triggering a fight of flight reaction. As you may have figured, her meltdown are also similar to why you have meltdowns - overload to the breaking point.
She rubs certain texture objects across her feet, palms, and face as a form of sensory seeking, most likely. Again, this ties into the tactile sense. Your daughter craves these textures, so she surrounds herself in them as they help her to calm and regulate.
Well, I hope you are able to find all the answers and support you need here
Thank you Dan,
Hmmm... more about myself...
I am engineer and scientist by training. Sculptor, writer, photographer by hobby. My parents always told me I was overreacting, emotional, and to keep my "issues" to myself. I thought I was nuts, or there was something "wrong" with me. I squashed it down inside myself, becoming very introverted through high school. In college, I forced myself to become an extrovert. But I still didn't like people touching me, or standing to close, I don't like hugs ect. I've been like this for awhile, not understand why.
Only know that my daughter was having trouble communicating... do I see.
I guess it is best shown in two poems I have written.
Outcry, 2010
I try to make you hear my words
To see the things I need.
Yet, frustration erupts from within
Why don’t you understand me?
You take my hand to guide my way
I flail, kick, and scream.
You pick me up and hug me,
Sometimes I bite until you bleed.
Kids are playing, but without me.
I run to hide, shy away.
What do I want? Why don’t you see?
I want to dance and play, but lack the means.
Mommy, I see you cry. Why do you weep?
I brush away your tears, kiss your cheek.
With my smile, bright green eyes
Kisses, cuddles, giggles given freely.
What do I want? How do I feel?
The words, the actions fail me
Frustration, My outcry; in my eyes a plea
Means to communicate is what I need.
A.J., 2010
Epiphany, 2010
I had an epiphany today,
I can not believe it’s true
I learned a name in seeking answers,
For what I think is affecting you.
For why, with the lightest touch,
You cry, scream, yell in pain.
With hugs and kisses unannounced,
You cringe, rub your skin in vain.
Water you love, to sink and swim,
Yet, to pour it over your is very bad.
Why every seam, string, or tag;
Works together to drive you mad.
Children play, laugh, and giggle;
Your ears you cover and shy away.
Yet, you love to dance, jump, and wiggle;
A bright smile reflected in your eyes.
Little daredevil you’ve no fear of heights,
A climber, jumper, problem-solver
Yet, in the night you sleep with lights;
Blankets pulled ‘round you tight
My darling girl, I think I know now what is affecting you;
Knowledge I’ve sought, yet questions linger.
Grief I’ve felt for many months, it’s sad but true;
As I clawed for knowledge, answers to fill your needs
Squiggy, I’ve found us answers
And I know I can help you through.
Today, I have had an epiphany,
Your mommy is just like you.
A.J., 2010
My son has ADHD and is a cancer survivor. So I am finding this rather difficult to come to terms with and discuss with others. I get kind of overwhelmed when I think about things.
RE: Hi from a mother and daughter combo - ihave7monsters - 10-19-2010
Congrats! you ARE doing this correctly!
This is a GREAT community, with some really wonderful people, who know all about what you and your daughter go through every day.
Welcome! I'm so excited to see you, and hope you enjoy the time spent here.
Caryn
RE: Hi from a mother and daughter combo - Sila - 10-19-2010
Quote:My parents always told me I was overreacting, emotional, and to keep my "issues" to myself. I thought I was nuts, or there was something "wrong" with me. I squashed it down inside myself, becoming very introverted through high school. In college, I forced myself to become an extrovert. But I still didn't like people touching me, or standing to close, I don't like hugs ect. I've been like this for awhile, not understand why.
I understand how that feels all too well. Just recently I tried to tell my mom about a speech problem I had, and how i was getting very upset over not being able to speak properly. I never even tried to tell her about my sensory issues, since she dismissed everything else and said to stop overreacting, or it's all in my head.
You're not alone in this, and your daughter won't be either. BTW the two poems you wrote are very pretty! I wish I had a knack for poetry, but instead I've got a knack for visual art (drawings) instead. Ah well, can't have everything in life. xD
Take care of yourself, and have a good time :3
RE: Hi from a mother and daughter combo - mawkinberd - 10-20-2010
Thank you so much for sharing all this with us! It takes a lot of bravery, after a lifetime of hiding and keeping it close, to let out things that you were told were too much of this, too little of that, or just plain wrong. It's important to realize that, no matter how good their intentions were when they told you this, your parents were wrong. These things you have felt your whole life, they are real. What your daughter is going through is real. And while it is something you have to learn to deal with, it is something you and she can cope with and get better with. And yes, there is hope, as you so beautifully illustrated in your poetry. You are not nuts, there is something different about you that many other people cannot identify with or understand. But that doesn't mean there is something inherently wrong with you. It is a pain, that you have to do some things differently. But there are benefits, as well. We SPDer's are a creative, intelligent, quirky bunch. We feel things and see things differently, and thus, we come up with different solutions and different ways of doing things that are wonderful and helpful. And, as we band together here, we can help one another cope with the hard parts while we make the world a better place.
I have a feeling you're in a tough place right now, coming to terms with all this. Feel free to share some of these things here. I'm not gonna lie; it's a tough road. But you know that already. What you haven't seen yet is that it can be done, it is ok, and even with the hard times, you and your daughter are gonna be ok. Together, we'll make it work.
RE: Hi from a mother and daughter combo - beck7422 - 10-21-2010
I too am an Engineer. There are a lot of Sensory Defensives in Engineering. I learned pretty quick to never surprise a fellow Engineer or I could ruin their concentration for quite some time. I wish others had learned the same about me...
Something that might help you and your daughter. Teach each other to ask for hugs before giving them. Then give each other firm hugs when you are both braced for it. Hugs are wonderful when they aren't catching you by surprise.