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+--- Thread: Help Wanted (/thread-1780.html)
Help Wanted - Henry - 08-19-2016
My wife and I, mid-fifties professionals, have 3 daughters and 1 son (19). I'm wondering if he has SPD. Our girls pretty much paint within the lines, and all have either graduated from college or are on a track to graduate from college. Normal issues aside, they seem happy and well-adjusted. Growing up, our son could best be described as a mix of Huckleberry Finn and Dennis The Menace. As a family, we've enjoyed a number of activities, from boating, fishing and water sports to snow skiing, tennis and golf. Our son has had issues in structured settings from very early on, and was ejected from preschool for biting almost all of his classmates. Both academic and behavioral issues followed him through six different mainstream schools and three alternative school settings, including a wilderness school for troubled youth and a quasi-military school. Along the way, he was suspended for fighting, disrespect and drugs. He ultimately earned a GED. His first court involvement was at age 14 for theft and possession of marijuana. As a young adult, he's been charged with alcohol violations, public affray, resisting arrest and larceny from a vehicle. None of this has caused him to believe that he has any drug, alcohol or mental health issues. While living in our home, he has stolen from other family members, intentionally damaged our property, threatened physical violence, failed in school, refused to get out of bed in the morning, refused to go to bed at night, repeatedly snuck out at night and stayed gone for hours or days, repeatedly consumed alcohol, marijuana and stimulants, kept his room a big, fat, unsanitary mess, failed to keep his mess from flowing into common areas of the house, and generally disrespected everyone in the family. My wife and I eagerly awaited his eighteenth birthday, so that we would no longer be required to allow him to live in our home. We've helped him secure jobs in two different states, one of which ended with him in legal trouble and homeless, and the other ending with him being terminated for fighting. When things go south for him, we've made what I consider to be a mistake by allowing him to move back into our home, effectively starting the cycle over. So as not to give the impression that we've sat idly by and watched all of this happen, please know that we've had our son subjected to psychological evaluations and counseling, drug and alcohol testing and counseling and involuntarily commitment. To make matters worse, he blames his mother and me for sending him to the Christian-based wilderness school (even though the only other option was that he would, likely, have been confined in a juvenile detention facility) and also blames us for his woes since we allowed him to be placed on Adderrall while in elementary school. He even has me believing that wasn't a great idea. I apologize if all of this seems harsh, but we're really getting to the end of our rope, and are frustrated with our seeming inability to help him. Any advice would be appreciated. Henry
I should've mentioned that he was tested back some time ago, and was determined to be of average intelligence, although his processing speed was calculated to be 1%, meaning that 99% of the population has a higher processing speed. I guess I may have just answered my own question.
RE: Help Wanted - Stellated D - 09-01-2016
My processing speed is pretty bad too and all I can muster in terms of advice or insight as someone who was wild as a teenager and did what I wanted - it looks to me like he doesnt know how to cope with things and reacts instantly. He is probably self medicating, he may be low in energy or motivation and not just lazy, it sounds to me like you have a lot on your hands - have you suggested finding someone who specialises in sensory processing issues for adult, like a counsellor and insisting that he is allowed to stay at home if he does this?
It sucks feeling like the failure in the family and he has probably got a complex and low self esteem and probably really frustrated that he cant just be like everyone else and just do the right thing at the right time. Do as much research as you can and learn what is going to help him as a person with SPD, for me the only person who stood out in my life was the person who was fair without any anger, there was a punishment (chores) and then everything was forgotten about and I knew they would always be calm and if I did something wrong I had to do chores. I feel that punishments should never take something away that someone loves but to add extra responsibility instead, it is a better teacher, more positive and not negative.
RE: Help Wanted - Edward Charette - 09-05-2016
It is quite difficult to parent a child with SPD, with their meltdowns, sensory triggers, behavioural issues, self-regulation skills are all issues we deal with on aregular basis. I have seen with people that some days are quite easier while on the other hand some are extremly difficult. Getting him back home was good and from what you said, all that you are doing seems absolutely fine. Sometimes we have to ignore their whining. I can really understand your pain and at the same time empathise with that guy.
Patience is in fact the best remedy.Teach hime 5 RE's,Resaearch(impact of SPD on life), REframe(perspective on daily actions, RElive(study situations which make him uneasy),REward(rewarrd for all achievements),REwire(Sensory Integrative Occupational Therapy)