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Hello - littlelion - 12-11-2010
Ello
My name is littlelion, I'm a girl but I like the sound of littlelion better than littlelioness. (Maybe I’ll say my real name when I know this place a bit better, or maybe I’ll just stick to littlelion.)
I am from Ireland and I’m 20 but prefer to think of myself as 3 (second life 3) - instead of turning 18, I turned 1 again; so I’m 3 again, and I don’t ever plan on living past 17.
I have a diagnosis of sensory integration disorder, which from what I can gather is the same as spd- just a different name. I also have a diagnosis of Dyspraxia, Dyslexia and ADD.
I have another diagnosis of PDA: Pathological Demand Avoidance, an autistic spectrum disorder. Basically I will avoid everyday ordinary demands because I have a need to always be in control, or else I get really scared and have many meltdowns. It’s also kinda like being Jekel and hide: I have two different personalities. In public I hold it all in, and then once home I let it all out.
I don’t understand social interaction, but I am an expert at mimicking (copying) others. So I suppose you could say I’m an actor. I hate acting though! I have a huge imagination and get lost in my own world quite a lot.
How SPD affects me:
I have a mixture of both under and over responsive senses.
Sight: Well I'm a bit blind – not technically, but if I close my right eye, everything becomes kind of shaky and blurry, so I don’t do that. I’m also meant to wear glasses, but that doesn’t happen either cause I can’t stand the way they make my ears feel.
I love the dark- in the dark my eyes are happy. I can’t stand lights that flick on and off, especially little lights like when my laptop is charging and the battery sign flicks on and off to show it’s charging. It just drives me insane, so I keep it covered. The lights (either really white or really yellow like cold lights) they normally have in schools or colleges also bug me. Generally they are the ones that are most likely to flick on and off. I can’t work with them on, especially if they’re right above me, they drain me of energy and make me feel dizzy - like I’m going to be sick.
Colours- I see colours really bright. I can’t stand the colour yellow or lime, or shopping centres when there’s so many lights and colours- especially clothes shopping. I don’t think I’ve ever gone clothes shopping once without breaking down and crying. If I see a food that doesn’t look nice I will avoid it for the rest of my life. I will feel like getting sick if there’s someone at the same table as me eating it.
Smell: My sense of smell is unusual - most of the time I have no sense of smell,
This can be a problem because (I try not to let it happen) but sometimes I don’t know if I smell or if my clothes smell. :/. But then sometimes I get sudden attacks full of smell, and it catches me completely off guard. Normally it’s a smell I don’t like and I just feel like crawling into a corner and crying.
Equilibrium: heehee my sense of balance is nonexistent. When I walk I look at the ground. I know what the ground looks like really well. I can’t run. I can’t cycle, even like spinning bicycles that don’t move I’m likely to fall off. When I was younger I used to never be able to catch a ball. I still can’t. When someone else throws it at me or if I throw it to someone else, it goes somewhere else. But I’ve become quite good at throwing tennis balls up in the air and catching them. I’ve been practicing for ages
sports and I don’t mix at all. Apart from water sports. I should really be a mermaid; if I lived in the water I could live a happy life!Taste: Taste and I are ok, I can’t eat spicy food but sure, lots and lots of people are like that. I don’t have much of a sense of taste.
Touch: Touch is a big issue with me, I will touch everything and you’ll know pretty quickly if I like the touch or not. if I do I will rub it for ages, if not though I will jump back from it and walk on my tippy toes for awhile until the horrible feeling starts to go away.
So many types of fabric irritatate me.. No, they drive me insane. Either they’re so scratchy or prickly I feel like I’m on fire or that there’s bugs crawling on me, or I feel like my skin is disgusting! I tend to wear the same clothes to death (my family is always yelling at me for this - they don’t understand any of my spd) same goes with shoes. I don’t do fashion, I do comfort. Tags I can’t stand tags (TAGS ARE EVIL!) especially the ones that make a hole in the fabric when you tear them off, ‘cause then you have to deal with the holes.
Little touches I can’t stand, they make me so angry because they scare me and make me feel horrible. I don’t know how to explain, but I just want/ need to scream when someone gently touches my arm or rubs past me or getting my hair cut.
Relationships and I don’t happen because of that. I’ve given up on relationships, they’re just so hard. I wish I could have one but I’d bet they won’t work).
I don’t mind like, big bear hugs or heavy touch. I don’t know why but I would quite like someone to stand on me sometimes, but I know it would probably hurt. I know I’m probably not explaining this right but bear with me!
I m not entirely sure which sense this is related to or even if it is, but my posture has always been really bad. I always need to lean against something or if not my body automatically leans forward as if I’m trying to lean my head on the ground! I get really sore bones. When this happens I can’t stop moving. I need to walk and walk but it doesn’t help. Having a bath helps but the minute I get out its back to this restless pain.
Sometimes I get lots of socks and bandages and tie my feet really tight, and my ankles and wrists, and walk around and that sometimes helps. Sometimes it’s so bad I can’t sleep, sometimes it cause I forgot to cut my toe nails and it causes this feeling, or sometimes I’ve cut them to short and it causes this unbearable feeling and sometimes it just happen randomly for no reason, mainly in my feet and legs when I try to go to sleep at night. When it happens I’m awake for the whole night I hate it! Recently it’s been happening more often
Hearing: this is my biggest problem.
I wear earphones as much as I can- big ones that block at the noise, and in college when I’m not allowed to wear earphones I always have a hat on. Actually I always have a hat on full stop!
Biggest noises that make me want to scream and cry:
People eating
Me eating
Chewing gum
People eating hard sweets ahhh!!!!
The noise you hear when someone rubs their thumbs of each other
And the noises you hear when people rub anything off anything actually
The noise of swallowing
Doors closing
Whispering
Breathing
Nail files
Brushing hair
Actually there is loads I can’t write them all: people eating is probably the biggest one for me though.
I like some really loud noises like drums or music actually- that’s all, but I also like strobe lights, especially coloured strobe lights too.
Enough with the Spd, and more about myself.
I’m a good script writer, especially fiction and I’m good at editing to especially sound editing, and music editing. I’m crazy (in a good way!)
I m good at art (abstract).
Supposedly I have a unique sense of humor and am funny but I really don’t know how!
I’m a bit of philosopher (like what Plato was), I question everything. Ok maybe I’m more a brilliant debater lol
ME, I study TV and film production. I believe like Einstein said "imagination is more important than reality.†I’m an odd ball, I’m weird but I like it that way, if we were all the same life would be boring. Oh I’m really a faerie in a human body and I’m never going to grow up
I don’t know anyone with spd and I don’t really know any realistic coping ways to deal with it. Can’t wait to start talking to people who know what I’m talking about!
RE: Hello - beck7422 - 12-11-2010
littlelion,
I had to double check to see if I hadn't written your post... Lots of similarities although your sound sensitivity is much worse than mine is and your light sensitivity is not quite as bad, but pretty close.
I highly recommend trying Irlen Lenses for the light sensitivity. I know you mentioned that you hate glasses (so do I), but the difference is incredible. When getting glasses frames I test pretty much everyone of them in the store before I settle on the most comfortable pair.
I don't do fashion. Comfort only!
My material sensitivities are just as bad as yours. I find the only answer is avoidance of the materials that hurt you. I spend a lot of money on comfort clothing, because it is more expensive than fashionable clothing. Sigh...
It is possible to have a relationship with extreme touch sensitivity, it just takes a very open dialog between you and your partner. Seeing an OT to learn the Wilbarger Protocol is worth it. It helps lower the touch sensitivity somewhat.
I don't know how to help with the hearing sensitivity beyond headphones.
I am sure others with have good suggestions.
RE: Hello - Ourfishies - 12-12-2010
Don't give up on relationships. I'm marrying the most wonderful guy this May and he has a lot of touch sensitivity but we're making it work.
welcome to the forum
RE: Hello - Sila - 12-12-2010
Hey littlelion, glad to see my edit helped you out :3
Definitely don't give up on relationships, they're really worth it once you find the right person. If someone can't accept you for who you are - ALL of you- then they don't deserve you and you don't need to waste your time on them.
I'm very touch sensitive and hearing sensitive above all, and my relationship is great still. There may be times when my skin feels like it's being rubbed away by sandpaper and even my bf's touch hurts during those times, but he's understanding and helps me through it. :3