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+--- Thread: searching for some support (/thread-5708.html)
searching for some support - Don - 06-25-2020
Hello all,
My partner has an adult child with SPD. He has done amazingly well considering how the public school system basically gave up on him and said he had no future. (I paraphrase.)
Thanks to tireless support from family and his own tenacity, he is currently carrying a 3.5 GPA in community college. Still things are a struggle for him.
He doesn't know anyone else with SPD. And he is not really interested in meeting anyone who does. He "can do this himself". Of course, none of us can do this ourselves. (I have been in a 12 step program for nearly forty years. I could never have done this by myself.)
When he isn't in school, nearly all of his time is spent with screens.
We know he wants to get a job, but it is a daunting task. Especially now.
He is a sweet, caring guy with tons of empathy, while still struggling with certain social cues. He feels very strong ties with family members and reaches out to them regularly through social media.
He often says he feels he is depressed. I can't really say, but to me it stems in part from him feeling stuck and not knowing how to kick start life given how overwhelming it all can seem.
My own experience with recovery tells me that meeting people who can share his story will be of great benefit. But he is reticent.
Any thoughts about safe, encouraging connections in the Portland area would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you all.
RE: searching for some support - Dani - 06-27-2020
Hey Don, welcome to the site! Thanks for sharing.
A lot of his story sounds similar to my own. I know I certainly tried my best to do it all on my own, and in a way that kind of tenacity is commendable, but you're right that people need a support system. While going it completely alone, I became very depressed, and it eventually impacted my ability to excel in school or the workplace. I too was quite concerned in meeting others, though. It was difficult for sensory reasons to put myself into most social situations, and after having been burnt by a previous close friendship, I was unwilling to risk it happening again. During those college years, though, I discovered that part of why life was so difficult for me was that I was denying the part of me that craved and needed human interaction.
I found my first support community here in the internet's small but strong SPD circle. Sure, it was mostly interaction with others via screens, but it was a start, and it really helped with the depression and everything. It eventually helped me develop the courage and coping mechanisms needed to start making more meaningful connections in real life. Now I can say I have a relatively steady support community around me, both online and in person. For me, part of that support circle also includes a 12-step recovery group, one for those affected by other people's addictions as my parents were both addicts. Add those to other support meetings and the number of good friends I have made in various avenues over the years, and I feel a lot more satisfied about my life.
I'm several years into my career now and think back fondly on my decision to finally stop trying to go entirely on my own and reach out to others. There is still much more room to grow in these areas, that all being said, but I am doing far better than I was 12 years ago when I hit that wall.
Wish I knew about some good specific places in Portland. I'm pretty far out of touch with the SPD world these days as my personal life has gotten so busy, but I am sure there are people out there. It may require looking for groups or clubs that are for people with ADHD or high functioning autism, but a lot of people in those circles have SPD issues as well and would certainly be able to identify with the struggles they cause.
I hope he's able to find a place that is welcoming and embracing towards him, as I have.