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+--- Thread: I feel crazy (/thread-862.html)
I feel crazy - MetalMama - 02-04-2013
Hello! I'm a 29 year old stay at home mom and an entrepreneur with a couple of businesses. I have not been diagnosed with SPD but I was diagnosed with ADHD, Dyslexia and Depression/Anxiety issues as a child/teenager. I have always had problems processing the world around me. I am socially challenged to the point that I have panic attacks when I think of being around people I don't know or having to talk to people. I have trouble staying on track when I am talking or doing simple tasks. I basically have all of the social/emotional symptoms of SPD. I can't drive much at all without having anxiety attacks, it has even gotten to the point that I am getting sick in the car even when I'm not the one driving just because there is too much going on around me. Lately everything is a big deal. My son talking, dogs barking, TV on, and all of the other noises seem to be attacking me all at once and then I have a serious meltdown. I have been this way for all of my life and no one seems to know why. To me, this is debilitating and frustrating because I feel out of control but to others I seem crazy and mean. I cannot handle for things to be out of place or messy and it's not because I want a spotless house, it's because I can't function when things are like that. I love my life, things are great! My son is amazing, I'm doing what I love, my husband is awesome and we are just in a great place but I am feeling like a crazy person because it seems that I am struggling to keep from having a nervous breakdown. Am I crazy or what??? How do I cope with this naturally?
RE: I feel crazy - xrobotlove - 02-05-2013
You sound exactly like me. Misdiagnosed for years and expected to hold up a normal life while this underlying issue goes unsolved. People do think I'm mean because the overwhelming surroundings makes me angry. Usually in a child, they're scared, but I think in undiagnosed adults it turns into anger after years of having to deal with it. I'm known to be normal one moment and then something happens that no one else notices and I lash out at the person I'm with. Of course, being misdiagnosed, it was just seen as anger problems due to my borderline personality disorder (which I do actually have). I'm having trouble finding a doctor that will understand, so if you're google savvy go that route to find a good doctor, or use the occupational therapist state directory (google "find occupational therapy".
As for coping skills I've developed without doctors help, headphones and ear plugs. I can't handle noises, so it helps for that obviously. But for the meltdowns, go to a quiet dark room and put in headphones with your favorite calming music. Listen to the album, and the meltdown can be (if you're like me) averted or at least minimized. I can't help with social situations as they still give me meltdowns, but I've just grown to accept I can only handle small groups of people who aren't intrusive sensation-wise (quiet people with calm voices, people I've known and trusted for many years, and always on my own "turf" aka my house). People who have actually gotten help for this disorder can help you way more. Things can and will get better, simply knowing of SPD is a huge step toward managing SPD life. Read these boards, they're filled with coping tips and such. You're not crazy, you're not alone, and you're not unfixable. You're just untreated. Now that you've discovered SPD, talk to whatever doctor you have that can help you find the right doctor. I wish you absolutely the very best of luck, I really hope you find the help you need.
RE: I feel crazy - MetalMama - 02-05-2013
Thank you! I'm glad to know I'm not the only misdiagnosed adult. I don't have insurance so finding treatment will be hard for me. I have learned to cope but I recently stopped smoking and I really think that's why I'm having so much trouble. Not because of the not smoking but because of the breaks it gave me, if that makes sense. I would go outside and just have a mommy time out and smoke. Also, it was probably the only time I did any deep breathing lol. But now all of my triggers are amplified. Smells, noises, light, everything. I will keep reading and trying to learn more about SPD now that I'm pretty sure that is what's going on with me.
RE: I feel crazy - xrobotlove - 02-05-2013
Oh no!! I mean, it's great that you quit, but... Dealing with withdrawal/ drug cravings with SPD is so insanely bad... And I know EXACTLY what you mean about the smoke breaks. Anytime I'm at a restaurant / social setting, I need to go outside 5 times to smoke a cigarette and de-stress from all the loud and intrusive people in the restaurant. It wouldn't be the same if I just went outside, I'd still be anxious and thinking about the sensory overload inside. I guess for children they can focus on their "chewy" "stuffy" "lovey" "blankey" or whatever to calm them down and avert a meltdown, but there are very few socially acceptable forms for adults besides smoking... Sometimes when I can't go smoke, the bathroom works somewhat okay. As long as no one else is in there it's quiet enough and private enough to calm, cool down, and collect yourself. Keep posting if you find another way!!
RE: I feel crazy - MetalMama - 02-05-2013
Ha! Guess I should keep my blankey (I still have my baby blanket) with me at all times lol. When I was little that blanket went everywhere with me. Ok, so I'm not getting worse, I'm just having to learn to cope without smoking. I seriously didn't think quitting was going to cause all of these problems to be worse. I haven't had nearly as many migraines since I quit so thats awesome but I feel like ripping my ears off and crawling under a rock lol. I've always had migraines because I am so sensitive to light and smells but for some reason I decided to start smoking in my teen years. So far lemon balm extract has helped me a lot with the anxiety and melatonin has really helped me get some sleep. I wish I could find something natural to help me with the billion thoughts I have going on at all times. I've been on lots of different meds but I am really sensitive to anything synthetic so I only use herbs, foods and homeopathic stuff. I even make my own soaps, body butter, tooth powder, etc. All of that has helped so much. It's amazing that a lot of my SPD symptoms are exacerbated by chemicals and processed foods.
RE: I feel crazy - LAC1961 - 02-05-2013
Lots of kids with SPD wear Under Armour shirts that give you a feeling of being squeezed a little, providing that same relief that a chewy or blanket may provide. I know they also come in adult sizes. In addition, my daughter wears a weighted belt if she needs to calm down. The SPD-specific ones are ridiculously expensive, but if you look for a weighted exercise belt, they're much more reasonable. I'm pretty sure Reebok makes one that's about $25. According to my daughter's OT, ideally it should be 10% of your body weight. Another option is the Wilbarger Brushing Protocol. It's supposed to be done under the direction of an OT, but I've read many stories about adults using it on their own and finding it helps them.
RE: I feel crazy - Jennic16 - 03-14-2013
I am exactly like that too. It is so unbearable!
RE: I feel crazy - moonlightblonde - 03-17-2013
I chew gum, compulsively when I am uncomfortable. When I was a teen I went through 2-3 packs a day. Now I am usually ok with a pack about every 2-3 weeks eating a half piece at a time but if I need it and can't get it I freak out and spin out of control.
RE: I feel crazy - Corrinne - 04-09-2013
I was a huge smoker and have had to find new ways to fidget...I chew gum a lot, too. But I have anxiety, depression, etc. too and medicating that independently has helped the sensory stuff to stop being overwhelming. That's just me, though. Finding an anchor object might help. Keep something in your pocket like a worry stone (I use an amazing satin ribbon) and I just fidget with that.
PS. Let's talk about how BA your username is. Metal? I'm hoping you mean music and not the substance. If so, I, too, am a MetalMama!
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