How much have you said to your SPD child about his/her issues? How old were they when they were diagnosed and when you talked to them about SPD?
I tried about a year ago when my son was 8 (3rd grade). He was diagnosed in 1st grade. I bought a couple of books to read with him, but when I tried to talk with him about SPD, he didn't want to hear it. He shut the conversation down by saying, "That's not me. I'm not like that." I didn't push it and just dropped the subject.
After watching the TV show Parenthood, where the character Max overhears his parents saying that he has Asperger's and they sit him down to talk to him about it, I've been thinking of trying again.
I'm wondering if I need a different approach or if I just need to wait until he is ready to hear it. Curious how others have handled it.
TIA!
(03-15-2011, 10:17 AM)LynnNBoys Wrote: [ -> ]How much have you said to your SPD child about his/her issues? How old were they when they were diagnosed and when you talked to them about SPD?
I had to address it when my son started to notice that things were "different" for him - that came more from having assessments done. Going to OT was fun, he got to play there but we had a pretty intense run of assessments when he was 6-8 years of age as we tried to work out why things had come to a standstill therapy-wise and he had an awful teacher in his second year of school. (I always thought it was her that had the problem BTW and it was confirmed recently when I met another mother at the shops whose son was in her class last year and had a terrible terrible year. He is a delightful child but this teacher told his parents he was the "worst child she had ever taught"... she seems to have forgotten my son and what she said about him!)
Anyway.... I explained it to him pretty much in terms of what the problem was: your brain has some problems processing the information that comes in and the assessments are to try and work out exactly what the problem is so we can sort it out and make things easier. He's a "glass half empty" kind of kid so that led to some tears about "things being wrong with me" and "I'm hopeless" and to be honest we're still working on that (he's 12 now). We actually changed schools to a Steiner/Waldorf school and stopped all therapy in the end, when he was 9. He does some therapy type things at school but lots of kids do, for all kinds of reasons and there is no big deal made out of it.
I always make a point of telling him when I'm having a bad day with too much stress and too much input and that we all have a thresh hold for anything, I suppose trying to normalise individual differences in tolerance and capacity. I'm taking much the same approach to adolescence - that's been my avenue to get some vitamins etc into him "to stop you getting zits and keep your bones strong while you're growing so fast"... so some partial subterfuge still occurs!
I tried again last night, but no success. He just said, That's not me. Those things (OT) don't help me. Then he broke down and cried, I just want to be normal. I just want to be a normal kid.
Sigh.
(03-28-2011, 10:13 AM)LynnNBoys Wrote: [ -> ]I tried again last night, but no success. He just said, That's not me. Those things (OT) don't help me. Then he broke down and cried, I just want to be normal. I just want to be a normal kid.
Sigh.
Interesting that he thinks the OT doesn't help. Understanding what he sees as being his "problem" might be worth pursuing, very gently.
It is so hard for them.... and for you. Children are under so much peer pressure to be "normal" and some teachers don't help at all, "normal" is a pretty boring, narrow range of acceptable behaviours. I guess I'd be working on doing as much "normal" stuff for now and letting the SPD
talk rest a bit.
Noirmal is such a social thing though too. My son's best friend at school has left to go to highschool elsewhere and he's been feeling very left out of what is considered "normal" as far as the boys in his class are concerned. He says all they want to do is talk about the games they play on X Box and what their mobile phones do. He doesn't want me to go out and get him those things (phew), he says he's too young and he doesn't need them. He has other kids he likes to talk to at school - albeit younger but he is relatively immature still on some levels so in a way I'd rather he was with people he enjoys being with than hanging around on the edges feeling inadequate. We're also supporting friendships outside school in the neighbourhood and through Scouts where they share interests. He's going on lots of camps! Last weekend it was canoeing, they found a cave to sleep in and had a great time.
My SPD is quite severe, but I always considered myself "normal". Extremely quirky, but overall normal. Mostly because many of the kids around me were just as quirky, but in different ways. Once I accepted that we were all weird and that weird was normal, I was much happier and had more friends.
Thanks, beck! I hope my son comes to accept that too. I just want him to be happy.
I am going to back off from talking about it with him unless he comes to me wanting to talk. But I'll definitely try to understand what he perceives to be his problem--I like that. It might help me to help him through this.
He has one good friend in his class (Sam), but his teacher says he's been making progress with talking to more of the kids in class. He even asked if another boy (Luke) could come over to play. I was glad to hear that!
It's finally getting a LITTLE nicer outside and he's been going outside on his Razor scooter after school every day. Today he rode on his scooter for about 20-30 minutes, then came in and said he was ready to sit down to do his homework. His brain was ready, he said.
Thank you everyone! I'm feeling better about this.
Wow... his "brain was ready"! That is such a huge statement! I'd have been in the walk in pantry or the laundry with the door shut doing a silent dance of victory over that one!
My son came home with an end of term mathematics test that he had attempted about only 1/3 of and drawn cartoons all over.... Why didn't you at least TRY to answer the questions I asked: I did but I ran out time. Too busy drawing pictures.
I did the noisy dance of fury about that, right there in front of him! I was supposed to sign it and send it back to school but the teacher got a note saying he would finish it that afternoon and bring it back the next day. He did it in about 30 minutes at the kitchen table with no help from me, no calculator... he's so pleased I'm not his teacher!
I tried some retail therapy this morning but my brain's not ready to do my homework... I'll try the gym instead! (Sleep would be a good idea too, too many late nights this week.) Have a great weekend!
"His brain was ready, he said."
This is very important. I do my best work when my brain is "in the zone".
Sounds like your son's exercise allowed his brain to relax enough that he could concentrate on his homework.
For me I need exercise or games for my brain to properly organize myself. Games work best for me because I have muscle issues.