A weighted blanket made with soft material might be more help than you think, actually. I'm very tactile defensive, but also proprioceptive seeking (I agree, very hard combination!) and I love the weights on me. I find myself layering clothes and blankets to feel "safe" when I'm in bed, although some nights (like last night) I can't stand to have anything on me.

ADD shares some traits with SPD, but if you can soothe her by deep pressure and reducing the input around her to only what is comfortable, then you most likely have an SPD child more so than ADD, imo. I'm not a professional (yet ;o Going to college for it ) but I'm reciting info that I've read up upon.

Try video recording her throughout the day when she's at home, showing her 'good' days and then her meltdowns. Children, especially older ones, hide their feelings from those who they aren't comfortable with. They'll hide their meltdowns and insecurities from other adults, but let it loose in the comfort and safety of their own home knowing they have someone who believes them.

Keep us updated! I'll try my best to help.