My younger son (6 years) hasn't officially been diagnosed, but he shows all the signs of a sensory seeker.

One of his things is eating all his food with his fingers. I don't have any issues with it, but it drives my husband crazy. He insists that our son eat with a fork or spoon. That he's not an animal and needs to learn to eat with utensils.

Should I tell hubby to ease up on his rules or encourage our son more often that he needs to use a fork?

Any suggestions either way?

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My older son (almost 10) is officially diagnosed with SPD. One of the things he does is change his mind about something. I'll offer the boys peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a hot dog for lunch. He'll pick one and I'll make it for him. Then once it's ready and he sees the food, he tells me no, I wanted a hot dog not a PB&J. I tell him, You told me PB&J. "No, I didn't." etc. Then it turns into this childish back and forth argument. It drives me crazy.

Most of the time I make him stick with his decision, especially when I can't really go back and change whatever it was. If it's something like picking a TV show to watch (or whatever), I might let him change his mind once, but then that's it, no changing back to the first choice again.

I know he needs structure in his day and a routine, but I try to let them have small choices during the day. Should I remove any choice at all? Should I just continue to argue with him that he told me he wanted X, not Y? How do I do this without going to a white padded room with a "huggy" jacket?

If it is just sensory seeking RE the food with the finger you could try to give him lots of other chances to have sensory play during the day (sand playdough ect) but if he has some motor skill issues it may be that the spoon and fork because really hard and frustrating (especially if he's really hungry!) We got some zoo sticks to help with finger strength and practice picking up food and getting it to her mouth for my DD that seemed to help. There's still a few things she eats with her fingers that are not really meant to be though, somehow she cannot resist rolling mashed potatoes into little balls before she puts it in her mouth. It drives us crazy but we try to just ignore it.

Can your 10 year old participate in making the lunch, like if he says PBJ can he get out the PB and spread it on the bread or find the pack of hots dogs and whatever condiments he likes to kind of keep his focus on what he choice was?

Oh, I thought I had replied to this! But I guess I didn't! I don't think he has motor skill problems. He uses a spoon for cereal. I'll try to add more sensory play during the day. Though now that he's in 1st grade, his day is a little more structured and less play. I'll see what I can do.

I'll see if I can get him more involved with the choice he's made. I do know that the times he's most upset about changing his mind, he says that he wasn't paying attention. Or sometimes I think he *thinks* he answered me but it was only inside his head.

Thanks for the suggestions!

Ok Lynn... our oldest boys sound JUST alike. Mine does the SAME thing with the food, tv, and other things and it drives ME crazy too!
That's a good suggestion about getting him involved, but he still does the same thing even after he has MADE the sandwich himself. *sigh*

Sarah, LOL, at least we'll go crazy together! Nice to know I'm not alone!

He did make his own snack today for school, but it's been a struggle to get him to help out with other things. Plus I've been trying to get him more independent in general about taking care of himself. I still can't get either one to make their own breakfast in the morning (school day or weekend). I don't mind as much on school days when we're a little more rushed, but on the weekends when there's more time, it would be nice if they could do that now and then. My older one is starting to do his own hair now though. He sometimes has crazy bed-head because he has to wear orthodontic headgear at night. I would try to remember to squirt some water on his hair and brush it down before he left for school, but now he seems to be remembering on his own every day after he brushed his teeth. I told him that I didn't want to give other kids any reason for them to tease him. So that might have sunk in with him.

Maybe those are some goals for this summer to work on with both of them!

I am trying to get my oldest to fix his own breakfast too. Doesn't seem to matter that I have already made his drink and its in the fridge, his cereal is in the bowl and the milk is pre-measured ... nope. He refuses to put them together and therefore I must get up less I want to hear him tantrum for the next however long it takes me to get out of bed and do it. *sigh* This too shall pass yes?? I pray it does anyhow.

(06-17-2011, 05:33 PM)IBKerrys Wrote: I am trying to get my oldest to fix his own breakfast too. Doesn't seem to matter that I have already made his drink and its in the fridge, his cereal is in the bowl and the milk is pre-measured ... nope. He refuses to put them together and therefore I must get up less I want to hear him tantrum for the next however long it takes me to get out of bed and do it. *sigh* This too shall pass yes?? I pray it does anyhow.

I just read Sensational Kids by Lucy Jane Miller. It's a good book. It may not be that your son refuses. He may have neurological difficulties that make it impossible. Miller points out that normally developing children try things that are difficult for them, they screw up until they get it right, they want to succeed. But for some of us, we just can't get there from here. I wrote a couple of posts about this on Sensorina.com

Hang in there, I know it can be difficult, frustrating and worrisome. But you are looking for help and answers and you willl find them.

Because of my problems with paralysis sometimes I "forget" which muscles to use to accomplish a simple task. Although embarrassing, if the people around me and myself are in a rush, I ask the people around me what muscles to move to accomplish the task. Children think it is a game. Adults just think I am having a bit of fun with them so they humor me.

However, I literally either have to wait until I remember how to move (which can take 30+ minutes) or until someone tells me which muscles to attempt first. I have to be walked through the whole procedure. It is shocking how much people take for granted the "simple" action of just rolling over.

Anyway, with the son who is unwilling to make his own breakfast, walk him through the steps but have him do it himself. Make yourself the exact same breakfast and have him mirror you while you talk through the steps. Take no simple movement for granted. Maybe if it turns into a game that will help him, if the problem is just parent manipulation. If the problem is that he just can't process what to do physically, then by walking him through it a few times his muscles will help him "remember".

Wow! I NEVER would have thought about those answers. He does seem to just 'give up' too easily. I am teaching him to read, which he REALLY wants to do, but if he messes up just ONE word, which everyone does now and then, he simply wants to give up and stop. I don't let him of course, but its very frustrating to both of us. Him because he is having trouble and me because I'm having to constantly encourage him to keep going. I have taught many kids to read and none have been like him. I don't mind in the long run, but after a long day with all three of my lovies... momma is tired for sure. There are days when my most favorite part of the day is bedtime and for that I feel badly, but its true, nonetheless.
I want nothing but the best for my kids. I want them to succeed in anything and everything they do, I know that isn't always going to happen, but I want them to learn to try try again. With my oldest it just seems like things are terrifically difficult for him. And he is an extraordinarily book smart boy, he just has a tough time getting there. I remember also, he has had a REALLY hard time learning how to get dressed and there are days it seems he simply can't dress himself and I step in and help him, but perhaps I will take Beck's advice and have him mimic me or something like that.
Thanks ladies, for all the helpful words of encouragement. You haven't heard the last from me.
Blessings

I helped my older son dress himself until he was about 6 years old--and that was before I knew about SPD. In hindsight, it was probably very hard for him. We did compromises sometimes, he would put his pants/shorts on and I would help with his shirt. Now he's 10 and he's very good about dressing himself.

I can relate to finding things difficult. Some days I feel that way too. I feel like everything I need to do is *such* an effort, it feels overwhelming and impossible to do. Or if there's too much, I just don't know where to start. Often on those days, I get very little done around the house. Makes me feel like an awful wife and mother. If I didn't have kids, it would be even harder to just get out of bed some days. On rare days, I'm full of energy and have motivation. I try to take advantage of those days and get as much done as I can on those days. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to have more days like those. I'm never sure if it's depression related, or if it's SPD.

With reading, my older son has been slow but sure. I can't remember if he wanted to give up when he couldn't get it. His reading has come in spurts. Like growth spurts. He started in Kindy and did well enough as a beginner, then in 2nd grade he had a spurt and moved to the next level of books. He had another spurt in the last 4-6 months, during 4th grade. He had been picking out books that were way too easy for him, but now he's picking age-appropriate books. Have you tried the LeapFrog videos? My son really enjoyed and benefitted from them. http://www.amazon.com/LeapFrog-Factory-R...208&sr=8-2 We started with just the letters one, then moved to the Talking Words Factory about putting letters together to make words and the next one (can't think of the name). He had a much better idea about letters and their sounds, and sounding out words, than my younger son does at the same age (he's never been into videos and movies so I couldn't get him to watch them as much).

My younger son didn't do any reading at all in Kindy. Barely did any sight words. Was not reading at all last year. At the beginning of this year, 1st grade, he told me that he didn't want to learn to read. I think he found it very difficult so didn't want to try. He would also want to quit right away any time we did try. By the time September ended, he was well on his way to being a reader. Something clicked and he got it. Next week is his last week of 1st grade and he's reading chapter books, which my older son never read until end of 2nd grade (maybe) or beginning of 3rd grade. I'll be reading with him and we get to a word that I swear he's not going to get, I'm about to help him with it, and then he says it! I'm shocked all the time at the words he reads. But he's not as strong about sounding out words he doesn't know. My older son is stronger with that. My younger son is more of a whole word reader. He often mixes up "what", "went" and "want" because he's not always seeing each letter, just the beginning and end.

My younger son helped to make his own breakfast this morning. He wanted french toast sticks (frozen kind). I had him get them from the freezer, put them on the plate, and put them in the microwave. I set the time, then cut them up. No luck with older son.