How do deal with your SPD kid when they lose a game? I want to get my 7y/o in sports but he has such a hard time with losing or if he doesn't get or hit the ball. We just played checkers and I got a double jump and he got upset and quit and called me a cheater. Now he is in his sensory spot(a tent) and pouting.

Being a sore loser has NOTHING to do with being an SPD kid.

My sister is a sore loser and doesn't have many sensory issues (really only hearing issues).

You have to let them know their behavior is unacceptable before it becomes a permanent part of their personality. That if they want to win, they have to figure out ways to beat you at the game. You may have to give them hints or just come out and tell them what they can do to win in a specific game.

Board games are a good place to start. You may want to start with more luck based games such as Yatzee or cooperative games where it is everyone against the board game. Save the strategy games like checkers for when he has learned better emotional control when losing.

I think this is a common issue for this age. I think it could be exaggerated for a child with SPD though if they have delays where they feel like they are always coming in last or losing. And of course kids with SPD have more trouble with emotional regulation which could make it harder for him to recover (hence the hiding in the tent) What we do is try to be silly about it. Like when we play checkers and she jumps me I'll say "STINK" and slap my forehead dramatically. There's some really good tips for a child who has a hard time losing in the book "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence Cohen too. He talks about have times of the parent being silly and pretending to make lots of mistakes or do everything wrong as kind of a theraputic way to play with them and help them cope with this, just be careful not to do it in a way that's making fun of the child of course. My child is only 5 but I have to say I do make sure she wins at least half the time (but I would never let her win all the time).

(06-27-2011, 02:28 AM)beck7422 Wrote: Being a sore loser has NOTHING to do with being an SPD kid.

That is not necessarily true. Children with SPD often have a hard time loosing because they have incredibly low self-esteem to begin with. We often aren't able to do what we want or thought we'd be able to do, and this lack of ability and control has a large impact on our emotional stability.

Personally, while some parts of the behavior may seem 'typical,' it is being exacerbated by SPD. I'm not saying this is a blank slip for poor behavior, but we do need to take the full range of SPD symptoms and issues into perspective whenever we are analyzing the actions of someone who has it. SPD can impact anything, and it does.

It is a symptom of SPD to get easily frustrated and give up on things. I would suggest working on ways to improve the child's self-esteem.

I can agree that poor self esteem can make someone a sore loser, but sensory problems are more likely to make for a short fuse than how they deal with that anger.

I have a very high self esteem. I am not the best loser of a game, but I will acknowledge a superior player and then learn from that player until I can beat them consistantly. I acknowledge a superior player by saying "Good Game" and shaking their hand or giving some other physical sign that they won.

I throw tantrums when the luck faery is kicking me when I am down. Due to this I hate playing games that are mostly luck, because my own whinning annoys me. Strategy games have a low luck factor and then it is my own lack of intelligence and manipulation that failed me, so that doesn't upset me as much. Even when SPD is lowering my skill level in a strategy to the level of luck, I get less irritated with a strategy game.

I have learned to "pause" games if I am confused or irrationally upset until the SPD trigger is gone.

(06-26-2011, 02:46 PM)NatesMama Wrote: How do deal with your SPD kid when they lose a game? I want to get my 7y/o in sports but he has such a hard time with losing or if he doesn't get or hit the ball. We just played checkers and I got a double jump and he got upset and quit and called me a cheater. Now he is in his sensory spot(a tent) and pouting.

Competitive sports are not for everyone.

My son simply can't deal with stress of win/lose sports, what should properly be called games. In most leagues, they are no longer about playing, they're about winning, and he's about playing. My son loves to swim, and raced for 2 seasons. He hated every aspect of meets, even when he won. Now he trains with a team, but we've made it very clear to the coach that he isn't interested in competition, and that works for us.

With things like board games, sometimes losing is skill they just have to learn through repetition. From the very beginning of paying board games with my son, I made sure I played fair, and that meant that sometimes he won, sometimes he lost, but he understood we do our best and follow the rules. His father (my ex) always let him win, and that produced more meltdowns and more distrust than you can imagine. Now my son usually beats me at chess because he's been motivated to work hard enough to get better at than I am - because sometimes he lost, and he didn't like that.

O.k. enough rant.

My daughter has a hard time with this too.. I do agree that it may be age related but I honestly think that losing is a trigger and it blows up into something bigger for her... She actually stays away from competing and will ask is this a winning game if you say yes she says she does not want to play. We went to a science center this past weekend and they were playing a game with kids and all the kids advanced but her... and even though it was not a winning game the fact that everyone was in front of her set her off screaming and crying and saying that it is not fair... I was very embarrassed but encouraged her to finish... Truly think this is a tough thing even for adults... Just hope that the outburts will get better. I truly relate to this topic

There are cooperative board games out there for those who don't like to beat/lose against others.

I recommend Arkham Horror (12+ years old) and Pandemic (8+ years old). Both games require all the players at the table to work together against the board game. Disagreements will still happen, especially if the personalities at the table can't work together at all.

Thanks, beck! Good suggestions!

I must try that.. We actually had to bann playing Monopoly she turned into some kind of crazed player and if she did not win well Gee we just all hoped she won because the meltdown afterwards was soooooooo scary. Now she tells people I don't play winning games. But I want her to be ok with losing and winning. She is not great at either. Thanks for suggesting Beck