On Friday I received a call from my 4 year old's school asking me to pick her up. Her behavior was out of control, and I needed to take her home. She was throwing toys, biting, pulling people's hair and kicking at adults. This is brand new behavior that started just this week. (It happened at Sunday school as well.) I knew she was having a challenging time, because she was really struggling with the fact that my husband was going to be out of town for two weeks - but this was far more than I ever anticipated.

As the school's OT tried to hold my daughter on her lap and explain the day's events to me, I just sat on the floor in the hallway and cried. I cried for my daughter - that everyday is a struggle, I cried for me - that at every pick up I hold my breath wondering what the teacher is going to report today, and I cried for the hopelessness of it all: I am doing everything I can for her and still it is not enough.

And my daughter, she wiggled and laughed and smiled. She was so happy that I was there to get her. She showed no understanding of what she did and only showed a reaction when I told her that there would be consequences for her behavior - no going to the movie theater to see Lion King.

I'm dreading taking her to school on Monday. No matter what I read and learn about SPD I keep thinking that if I was a better parent it wouldn't be THIS bad. And it's impossible to believe that the people around me aren't thinking the same thing.

I feel so desperate and so alone. (I am grateful that I found this site!) I simply don't know what to do anymore. Monday morning my daughter's special ed team leader will call me, and I am out of ideas. We knew this school might not be the right fit for my daughter, but at this point I have no idea if there is a good fit out there. I feel beaten down. I am exhausted from trying to be pro-active and prevent certain behaviors, and I am too tired to deal with the behaviors I can't prevent. I don't know how to help her, and I have no idea how to advocate for her anymore.

A'smom - I sure sympathize with the preschool struggle. My son is a regular disruption in his class, in particular when he is out of his routine - which is all the time in the holiday season when there are so many days off from school. I also hear you when you question your parenting abilities - I would be lying if I were to say that I never feel the same way. If there was something I could do differently, if I were a better parent, if I only knew more. But rationally, what I truly know is that my son is just different and he didn't come with a manual. He did not come with step by step instructions as to how to be his parent - I just am. I also know that all I can do is to learn what I can and be as patient as I can.
I think what matters most of all is that our children know that we love them, that no matter their struggles, their challenges and their amazing moments, we love them not inspite of their sensory issues but because they are who they are, sensory issues and all.
That all being said - I am unsure what else to do to advocate for my son either, I am glad to ready you are receiving OT, that is our current battle. Hang in there.

(10-16-2011, 01:20 AM)AsMom Wrote: As the school's OT tried to hold my daughter on her lap and explain the day's events to me, I just sat on the floor in the hallway and cried. I cried for my daughter - that everyday is a struggle, I cried for me - that at every pick up I hold my breath wondering what the teacher is going to report today, and I cried for the hopelessness of it all: I am doing everything I can for her and still it is not enough.
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I'm dreading taking her to school on Monday. No matter what I read and learn about SPD I keep thinking that if I was a better parent it wouldn't be THIS bad. And it's impossible to believe that the people around me aren't thinking the same thing.

I feel so desperate and so alone. (I am grateful that I found this site!) I simply don't know what to do anymore. Monday morning my daughter's special ed team leader will call me, and I am out of ideas. We knew this school might not be the right fit for my daughter, but at this point I have no idea if there is a good fit out there. I feel beaten down. I am exhausted from trying to be pro-active and prevent certain behaviors, and I am too tired to deal with the behaviors I can't prevent. I don't know how to help her, and I have no idea how to advocate for her anymore.

Your post takes me back to the nightmare of school days. I hated, absolutely hated, going near the school my son was in for 1st and part of 2nd grade. Every single day I was greeted with his crimes du jour; didn't matter that he was literally an A+ student, it just mattered that he didn't fit in their world. We pulled him out of school in November of 2nd grade, and he hasn't been in a conventional classroom since then. He THRIVES with homeschooling, and at 11 took his first junior college class. SPD does not mean "stupid" no matter what some people will tell you.

If you feel the way you wrote about the school, then you both need to get out of there, because your child feels worse about it than you do. I can guarantee that.

Back in pre-school days, we did a parent co-op preschool, where I stayed one day and watched him and his best friend, and another day his best friend's mom watched the two boys. The boys were quite similar in nature, so that worked for us. Is there any chance you can get your daughter in a co-op program?

I do think kids of 4 and 5 need social programs, which is what I think pre-K should be, but that doesn't mean they're ready to "fly solo" at that age, especially special needs kids.