I have a 2 1/2 year old son who has SPD (Sensory Seeker) and who is defient and has major meltdowns. When he has a meltdown it is usually when he is tired (almost always happens when he wakes up in the middle of the night for whatever reason). For example he woke up early morning this past weekend and wet through his diaper. I went to change him and he freaked out repeating he wanted to go to sleep and would push me away so I couldn't change his diaper. My husband had to hold him down in order for me to change him. After he was changed into a dry diaper and PJ's and put back into his bed he kept crying and repeating he wants to go to sleep. I couldn't soothe him in any way. He didn't want to be picked up nor did he want me to leave. This went on for 1/2 hour until finally we decided to take him out of his bed and into the living room. After a few minutes he calmed down. His meltdowns can be very scarey. He will tense up his whole body and scream and cry. Nothing you say or do helps console him. My question is what do you do when your child has such an horrible meltdown? How do you handle it? It gets exhausting and I feel so helpless.

Hope you find something that helps you!

The meltdowns my daughter had when she woke in the middle of the night were very different from those during the day. In the morning, she didn't even remember them. I believe she had trouble coming out of deep sleep and we saw the same behavior you describe. It appeared she was totally awake, but all she did was scream and wouldn't respond to questions coherently. The average person sleeps in 90 minute cycles, so you might want to try changing the wet diaper at a time he isn't in deep sleep, then doing whatever sooths him to get him back to sleep. I learned in a book about SPD (can't remember which one) that most kids with sensory issues can't stand having their back rubbed in the upward direction or in circles, but they prefer firm downward strokes on the back. I have found this to be true with my daughter to calm her and get her back to sleep.
For daytime tantrums I implemented some techniques in the book Effective Parenting for the Hard to Manage Child. This helped a little, but I later discovered she was reacting to BHT (a preservative). I put her on the Feingold Diet and haven't seen a meltdown in a long time. She still has occasional tantrums, but they are the usual ones you see with all kids and are very short lived.

My son has Lways had a small blanket and stuffed animal. He now has a pillow pet when he has these it tends to sooth him to rest. When he was that age he neede to be cocooned in the blanket and now he uses his big one to completely wrap himself up with his face showing. He says it makes him feel safe, and I think to him blocks all the sensory stimuli that are affecting him. Experiment with some of these and look closely because he will give you signs when not in a meltdown of what makes him feel safe and calm.

Awwww, sounds like how my son used to be. it was heartbreaking. they want to be held but they cannot tolerate it. It is worse too after having to be changed like that ( I know it had to be done). That just increases the meltdown because of not wanting or liking to be touched. I could never soothe my son either, he would just sit on my lap and cry he would try and hug me but just couldn't. I am sorry. I will tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. Also, my son used to wake up in the night as well, but screaming like night terrors. It was usually when he had an over stim day. What I can tell you is this...
Once his therapy kicked in, the brushing technique, weighted blanket, deep pressure, sensory activities, it all worked!!! He still has to be asked to be touched, I think I am the only one that can touch him and hug him without having to ask, all others have to ask. the worse thing is restraint, first because they do not like to be touched like that. I know he is young, we need to help you find a way to persuade him to be ok with a task. Something ot hold that is specifically for changing time, maybe something heavy. If it is during the day and you can see a meltdown is going to happen jump into action! Once they are in the meltdown there is not much that can be done, you have to wait it out. they have shut down because everything has become too much. Never think of him as being a behavior problem or defiant, he cannot help what he is feeling. You always have to put yourself in his little shoes and try and feel what he is feeling. I am sure it is awful. I know it is frustrating , believe me I KNOW! lol Get a sensory diet going, learn about the brushing system, get him weighted blanket or heavy toy, have him do a lot of heavy work throughout the day. I cannot use timeout it never worked, I have an "uh oh box" I have 4 main things I want worked on that are behavior issues ( sassy mouth, hitting, etc.) taped on the front of the box with these cute little monsters, inside the box are chores, for your son they could be picking up toys, something to help you with, etc. misbehave you pick a chore, have a great day put a sticker on the chart. For my son because he is older ( 8 ) he has to get three days in a row to get a reward. then he can pick out of the rewards, lego minifigure, ice cream, etc. It is the BEST thing I have ever done! These kids love visual aids. I know your son is young but I am sure he is very smart. So you say he is definant well... there you go list what one of his things is that you think he needs to learn how to cope with. It will all be ok, I promise. There will always be something different to learn to cope with, but you are his sounding board and his safe place. Just never let anyone label him a behavioral problem , that scares me the most with these poor kids. they cannot help their behaviors if they are not taught how to cope with them. I make the blankets so if you are in need of one let me know, you can message me.

On the rewards idea - some people I know have found it works great to let them choose rewards before the few days instead of after, so they have something to look forward to.

yeah, I have like five different rewards and he knows what they are so he is like ' I am going to pick...." and works towards it!

I feel for you!! My son has horrible meltdowns. Last anywhere between 1-2 hrs. The therapist. ( his OT,PT,and Speech ) all say he doesn't know how to calm himself down. Mine throws things, hits, throws his body, runs into things, head bangs, and doesn't stop with anything. We are actually getting an MRI on his brain next Thursday because of how bad his "head injuries " are from his melt downs. I wish I had an answer or some advice for ya on the meltdowns... all I can say is I know how you feel! I am still looking for answers on calming his meltdowns down. So far his bear hes attached to doesn't work, nor does the weighted blanket, or even me trying to comfort him. Hopefully you are able to find something that works for you guys.

I totally can relate. When my son, whose 7, has a meltdown it's really hard on everyone around. He is opposite of your child as he is very clingy and touchy. He loves being held and touching people. For him we have found so far that if he is heading towards a meltdown he goes to his room for "quiet time", then tell him he can come out once he has calmed down. He will sleep with as many blankets as he can, even in summer unfortunately, and ends up even putting his pillow over his head. A soothing thing we also have found is to lay him over our lap, on his tummy, and "tickle slowly" which is using a super light touch over his back. I am just now finding out that he has sensory issues so probably am not giving the best advice, but hope it might help a little

I wish I could offer more help than commiseration. My SPD son is now 25, and I am still being blamed for "giving in" too often, when there have been so many times when there is no price we would not pay for a moment's peace. Only recently are we putting all of the pieces together (birth trauma/oxygen deprivation, "colic", need for constant motion, too impulsive to redirect with words alone, etc.) and the most healing thing I can come away with was that we did everything we could, and there are no perfect answers. If I can say nothing else, it is that doing whatever you have to do to get through is okay. I was a nurse for inpatient children in a psychiatric hospital with extensive training in behavior modification, and I am here to tell you that the only certainty I ever had was that no traditional means of motivating and modifying his behavior worked consistently. We just did what we had to, in order to get through every day. Something we found to be effective one day, would fail the next. I can't hate myself for letting him play video games or legos on his own, as these were his only peaceful times some days.