My daughter who is 9 has been diagnosed with SPD since the age of 4. From the outside looking in our life is perfect. She seems like a child who has no issues at all. She doesnt need OT or PT. She makes straight A's in school. She is fine in all social situations. I have so much to be thankful for I know and I am. However to be honest I cry myself to sleep every night. She is able to "hold it together" at school but it is different at home. Her verbal behavior towards me is horrible. From the time she wakes up in the morning until I put her to bed at night she argues and complains. She argues everything no matter the subject. I need advice on where to turn for this. We have tried a counselor, OT, PT. Everyone says she is fine. I promise, she is not. I have other children who are pleasant and kind to me. It is not my parenting. This is taking its toll on my health and my marriage. I know her behavior is a symptom of her SPD. I just dont know how to help her and I dont know who to turn to. I want to love her and her to love me. I want to be able to laugh with my daughter, to have wonderful memeories with her. Any advice is welcome. Thank you for this site, your time and advice.

Hi,
My son is 5 & was also diagnosed w SPD & high anxiety at 4. I don't have advice, but can relate to what you're going thru. Right now he argues every decision & is hard to get listening or moving on a different thought or idea. He's five, so I can still pull rank, but I worry about how much harder it will be as he gets older. He's pretty much the same at school as at home right now. From what ive read, kids w SPD can learn to hold it together but let it out at home. I know my son is worse for us than anywhere else. Many family members didn't believe their was anything wrong. We were very blessed to have a counselor who has great experience w SPD kids & was able to teach us how to handle him & discipline him. My suggestion is to see if u can find a counselor who can teach you how to interact w her at home. It's like a parenting class but ur learning how to parent a child who deals w extraordinary stress w everyday things. We were blessed to be given "hands on" instructions. It's still hard but it helps. I know this wasn't what u were looking for but I hope it comforts u a little to know someone else is in the same boat & understands what ur talking about. I will keep u & ur family in prayer.

hi momofgirls

Has your daughter been assessed for ODD? There's quite a tendency for SPD to coexist with other disorders.

Otherwise is there any chance you can see a counsellor - together with your daughter so they can try mediate and find the source of why she's acting this way towards you?

Thinking of you.

My son is 8 hehas a mouth on him too! I have watched him learn to cope in different ways over the years.
* Before being verbal it was biting
* Then hitting
* Now sassy mouth
* arguing
He debates me ALL the time! ALL THE TIME! I finally told him NO MORE! It is on his "Uh Oh' box as something to get into trouble for. If I say tha tis what we are doing that is what we are doing. He has told me I suck, etc. I know he does not mean it. It usally occurs when he is frustrated. He is worse with his older brother, stupid, shut up, fatso, goes on and on. Personally I believe it is because he has to hold himself together ALL day at school then he can come home and be himself and let all that frustration out. it is not ok, so it is corrected, but also teaching another way to cope that is appropriate. There are tons of social stories that you can get to help with it too. Fortunately my son stills sees the school social worker, so I tell her when something is going on and she has a better time talking to him. He really respects her. I have to say is don't ever take it personally, we have no idea what is going on inside them. You are her safety net, she can be herself, she loves you and is just this little person dealing with all this stuff inside her. Maybe it is more of something stressful that you do not know about and she cannot express. Is there someone at school bothering her? My friend just told me last night ( her son has aspergers) that the kids at school make fun of him when he gets frustrated, they laugh at him. He told her he wishes he was a normal kid. I know my son still hand flaps a bit, he will tense up and make this noise when he gets too excited. He is trying to find more appropriate ways to express himself in a situation around his peers so not to look different. It is so sad to see, but I am so proud of how far he has come. Then he comes home and he is doing flips on the chair, running, screaming, etc to get all that out he had to hold in at school. lol Maybe play a scene with her with dolls that might take place at school, maybe something will come out of that, ask if she can see the school social worker, Let her know it hurts you when she talks to you like that, ask her if she would like for you to talk to her like that. she is old enough to understand what you are saying to her. Then explain to her it will now be a punishment if she does speak to you disrespectfully, if she is upset about something we need to find another way to express it. get her a pretty journal, maybe she can let out her frustrations in that. This is a time to learn a coping skill for her "mouth". It is inappropriate and she needs to learn how to cope with whatever it is that is bothering her. it will be ok, just another mountain to climb.

(05-16-2013, 05:21 AM)Kate_M Wrote: hi momofgirls

Has your daughter been assessed for ODD? There's quite a tendency for SPD to coexist with other disorders.

Doesn't sound like ODD to me.

The most helpful book I've read regarding my daughter's behavioral issues is Effective Parenting for the Hard to Manage Child. We implemented a couple of the techniques recommended in the book and within a week things had improved. The book is organized in such a way that you don't have to read the entire thing, just the parts that apply to your child. It also has a very encouraging chapter addressing meeting parents needs.
The other thing that we did that got rid of our daughters oppositional behavior was eliminate BHT and artificial colors from her diet. These ingredients cause a chemical reaction in the brain that affects the part that controls impulsiveness. It's not easy to rid these from the diet. They are in many, many things, and some are hidden because if BHT is used to preserve an ingredient, they don't have to list it. Our daughter is on the Feingold Diet because they research ingredients and publish a list of approved foods.
Although our daughter held it together at school, she was not making any friends, so although she wasn't having outbursts at school, her surly, bossy attitude still made other kids steer clear of her.
These two things worked for us, and I actually enjoy doing things with my daughter again. Prior to doing the diet and the techniques in the book I was looking for excuses to be late coming home from work and didn't particularly look forward to weekends either.
I hope you find some relief. I know how difficult it can be.

Hi TT,

Was just wondering if there were any other checks done as this sounds a lot like my nephew who has Aspergers with sensory issues and ODD.

Didn't mean to make it sound like I thought this was the only reason for the type of behavious, sorry if it came across that way.