I'm excited to have discovered this site, because I feel that this has been such a confusing and isolating journey. I'm looking foward to not feeling so alone.

My daughter is almost 4 and 1/2. I started questioning some of her behaviors shortly after she turned 2. At 2 and 1/2, the school district evaluated her and offered her special ed for autism spectrum disorder. At 3, we got a medical diagnosis that said yes she had attributes of autism, but didn't have autism. The therapist did agreed with me that A had sensory issues. So we had her evaluated for that and she was diagnosed with SPD. We immediately started OT twice a week. That was over a year ago.

Everyone said that because we caught it early, so much could be done to help her, but most days it's hard to believe that anything we are doing is helping. I'm feeling particularly hopeless this weekend - A was sent home from pre-K because she was out of control (throwing toys, hitting, bitting and kicking) - I am currently coming from a very desperate place.

But there are definitely moments of joy...A has such a wonderful imagination and joining her in that world is amazing. We put on puppet shows, we make up stories, we sing with to each other, we play dress-up and have just amazing conversations. There are days that I am in awe of how her little brain works and how she connects the dots of her world.

A also has a 2 year old little sister, V. I think they have a typical "sisterly" relationship - some moments they play together beautifully and other moments they are at each other's throats. I do worry about V: I feel like her life comes second to A's SPD. I think about the time she spends in the car going to A's appointments and classes, the time she spends in the waiting room at OT, how A's sensory needs take priority when we choose what to play, and how V is often encouraged / forced to compromise to allow A to do what she wants / needs to do.

My husband is a great dad. He has wonderful times with our girls. But the SPD has been very hard for him to deal with. It took him almost a year to believe that it was a real thing and believe that A had it. He still can't believe that the "little things" she does and plays at OT actually helps. It is particularly hard for him to understand and be patient with A and her behavior.

I keep hoping that life will get easier, and I 'm having the adult realization that life never gets easier. But I am trying to control how I view my life. The feelings of desperation are easy to wade in, but everyday I am doing my best to embrace the joy.