Hi, A's mom! I think I could've written your post! Except that I have 2 boys and my older son was diagnosed when he was 6, in 1st grade. He also has some autism traits but not enough to be on the spectrum. He has SPD and anxiety. My husband also has a very difficult time believing in SPD and OT. He sees the anxiety and seems to be better able to accept that than the SPD.

My younger son has also been carted around to all of his brother's appointments. But try to remember that it would happen no matter what with the second child. Whether it's being brought along to a soccer game, dance recitals, or OT--the younger child is going to be toted around with older sibling. And when she is older, she'll have her own activities and her older sister will be the one tagging along. Try to not be hard on yourself for that.

I found the ages 5 and 2 years difficult. Before then, my older son would grab a toy from his baby brother and younger wouldn't care. But once he hit 2 years or so, he did start to care. He would hit his brother if a toy was grabbed from him, then big brother would hit him back. It was a difficult time for us. Plus we were starting to figure out that something was wrong but didn't have any answers yet. It got better once my younger son was 4 and older was 7. Then they could do more things together. But they still have their moments. I guess they always will, as siblings tend to do.

I felt like we spent a lot of time focused on our older son from when he was 5-6-7 years old. Dealing with evaluation, diagnosis, treatment, getting IEP/504 meetings and plans at school, working on his sleep issues--90% of our time seemed to be about our older son. I did feel bad about it too. But then once he got to be about 8, things got better. We were seeing progress at school and at home. He started sleeping better, he was catching up to his classmates, he was maturing, and he was coming out of his shell.

And now my younger one recently turned 7. He's been showing increasing signs of SPD issues. But in different ways from my older son, so I almost feel like I'm starting over and learning this all again!

I hope you'll find this site to be a refuge for you when things get overwhelming. You're not alone!