xrobotlove
Regular
Posts: 22
Joined: Jan 2013
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RE: I'm broken but not unfixable, just untreated
Thanks so much for your support guys... It makes me cry whenever I come on here, because I've never heard another person relate to me with all of these thoughts and feelings and peculiar "quirks". I wish there were more research for us adults dealing with SPD who weren't diagnosed as a kid. The results are severe; the depression, the agoraphobia, the self-hatred, the altogether feeling like you're weird, abnormal, f*cked up in the head, broken, incurable, stupid, lazy, slow, ambition-less, whiney, pathetically sensitive.... The list goes on.... My current psychiatrist doesn't know anything about SPD and now I'm totally lost on to how to find one that does. All the ones I find, they only treat children. And I live in Philadelphia, a city where nothing is unavailable. There are a few colleges whose students can study me and do minimal treatment but I feel that will be more draining than living untreated.
I really wish it wasn't winter. My family is from California and all of us suffer from seasonal depression. Since cold actually causes physical pain to me, the seasonal depression is way worse. It's such a strange form of depression, it's like your mind is begging for hibernation and refuses to adjust to the temperature. I feel catatonic sometimes. In the summer I'm so much happier. When I was young I loved camping with my father, we used to do everything outdoors minus hunting. We used to fish for hours every weekend. It was so quiet, so still, so "real life" feeling... Like a normal person should always feel. We'd camp in the woods and he'd tell me all of the different plants and bugs. When I could still take care of myself, I was always alone in the woods or at the creek.
Maybe kids with SPD (over sensitivity type) need this? The calm serenity, the lack of humans, the feeling of having your surroundings NOT overwhelming you for once. The accomplishment of setting a tent or catching a fish. I know those are definitely my happiest childhood memories, so just a suggestion for anyone with SPD kids, go camping and fishing! (I can't personally condone hunting.)
I am not empty; I'm more like everything all at once.
I am not crazy; I'm more like burning through this life like the sun.
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02-05-2013, 01:12 AM |
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