The most helpful book I've read regarding my daughter's behavioral issues is Effective Parenting for the Hard to Manage Child. We implemented a couple of the techniques recommended in the book and within a week things had improved. The book is organized in such a way that you don't have to read the entire thing, just the parts that apply to your child. It also has a very encouraging chapter addressing meeting parents needs.
The other thing that we did that got rid of our daughters oppositional behavior was eliminate BHT and artificial colors from her diet. These ingredients cause a chemical reaction in the brain that affects the part that controls impulsiveness. It's not easy to rid these from the diet. They are in many, many things, and some are hidden because if BHT is used to preserve an ingredient, they don't have to list it. Our daughter is on the Feingold Diet because they research ingredients and publish a list of approved foods.
Although our daughter held it together at school, she was not making any friends, so although she wasn't having outbursts at school, her surly, bossy attitude still made other kids steer clear of her.
These two things worked for us, and I actually enjoy doing things with my daughter again. Prior to doing the diet and the techniques in the book I was looking for excuses to be late coming home from work and didn't particularly look forward to weekends either.
I hope you find some relief. I know how difficult it can be.