Oh, my. I could have written that. Quite certain my husband has SPD. For so many years it was simply quirks, lack of patience/tolerance, even diagnosed agoraphobia. In the past he saw counselors for depression. Even AA. (16 years sober! ) But as he ages, and the longer I've lived with him (24 years) all those little things, and a few BIG ones, have started to add up. Maybe I was so focused on our children that I was dismissive of his behavior. But the kids are growing up and moving on and Husband and I have many, many years ahead together. This scares the peewaddle out of me!

Let me be clear that I love my Husband. He really likes me, too! We have been through much and have a rich, blessed life. I have always thought, however, that if he were happier our life would be so much better. If he could sleep through the night, if we could go to a party, if we could eat out more (or not in the dark corner), if I could play music while I cook and have him in the kitchen chatting with me, if he didn't turn out lights that I just turned on, if opening the drapes in the bedroom were not such an assault every morning, if he looked forward to his day, if he finished projects... Add increasing age to all this and the picture isn't pretty. I imagine us sleeping in different bedrooms so that I can read, or cough, without disturbing him. I am tired of doing the laundry and vacuuming and other noisy chores while he is out. I see a sad image of me sitting in a chair in a dimly lit quiet room knitting with silent needles less he frown. I secretly hope his hearing goes at an early age. Something has got to change.

The tipping point for me was at a lovely family night with the teens playing a game and eating around the table. Husband spent the first part of the evening adjusting all the lighting. He has a hard time following the quick flowing conversation and after awhile I noticed the kids just didn't include him. And then, oh this hurt, he was offended by my laugh. I laughed 'too loud', apparently, and my mirth irritated him to the point he had to leave the room. This was a new one. He has always loved my laugh. I didn't like where this was going.

And so began my internet search. I do not know how to approach him with the idea of SPD with out the option for some follow through.

I think of all the ways our family has altered our lifestyle to suit his needs. No slumber parties for my daughter. The house is quiet by 10. (9 if he had his druthers.) We socialize very little. We take separate cars almost everywhere so he has a way to leave. (Church, school functions, visiting relatives, etc) Vacations are a challenge- no packing 6 people in a tiny hotel room, that's for sure! He will not shop. It would be a joy to do that together. I have adapted by having lunch dates with friends instead of dinner parties. The kids and I host one or two things a year, at times when Husband is gone, but would prefer to include him in more.

Thank you for posting on this thread. This is kinda my project for the year. Research is one thing, but application is another. Hoping for solutions for all.