If no one has already mentioned it, I'd recommend the book Effective Parenting for the Hard To Manage Child. We have found it to be an invaluable resource.

Awesome, thankyou! I'm collecting books titles to have a look at now

Hi am new to the forum so my post is a little late but I was wondering if any of you have tried disconnecting from them when they have "melt down" or there behavior is out of control? It's a method that is recommended to all parents with or without child(ren) with disorders. It takes the control away from them. We put our son in a quiet room and just walk away--within a few minutes--sometimes ten or more he will come out apologizing and ready to remedy the issue. We also have him bounce when he's beginning to feel frustrated about something. The small exercise trampolines are great to release that frustration anxiety. Heck even I use it at times. WE learned along time ago trying to discuss his behavior when he is enraged gets us know where--the walk away--disconnect method works much better for us. Even in a public setting it works.

Yes, it works better for me now that my son is older. It always depended on the situation. Sometimes he was having a meltdown because of a situation he had no control over. If he fell asleep in the car and I had to wake him up and then we went right into a place he would be so disoriented he would just scream and scream so I would have to walk around with him outside until he got himself organized and calmed down. I do explain afterwards why we are doing the things we are doing and why he has to go along with that. Now he is much more verbal with his anger then with meltdowns, like the other day I was told that I suck. Well... yeah, guess I am doing my job then! lol

It doesn't work for our daughter. If we leave her alone, she bangs her head on things and gets out of control. We have to hold her really tight until she calms down. Fortunately, since we put her on the Feingold diet, meltdowns are rare.

Walking away never worked for my son until recently (he's now 6) and if we do it for my daughter (4) she screams till she throws up, and that can go on for over an hour once she starts. Like tonight.

Ok, i've been trying something for a while now. It is working best for us. We count. When he has his meltdowns we go to the room and count. Sometimes he wants to count by himself. Other times we count together. All i can say is he is in a calmer state after counting. Sometimes he counts while jumping or banging his hands like a drum but always counting. I think its been good for both of us. Of corse he doesn't want to count. He is after all in the middle of a meltdown but we do not move forward unless we go to his room and count. I'm going to try counting backwards together but not just yet. My only thought is, he is 6. I hope he will not hate math because of it. Sounds silly yes but i worry about what will affect him and how. Anyway thanks for your support.

Hi Vivian, your on the right track....I think your walking away and the counting works for these reasons. A) You are taking the attention away from his meltdown and not reinforcing it. B) The counting is actually serving to distract his brain and causing him to focus on something else...the counting. C) By shifting his focus he is able to start to calm down. D) Your approach is a kind one, and won't add to the fact that he feels bad about himself/and the world around him. D) I have found that when these kids go into these self-destructive modes the only thing that helps is time and space. This is what you are giving him.

It is a perfect response to his meltdowns. I have learned that talking does nothing in those moments. They can't hear you anyway and it is just more stimuli that they already can't handle. One thing that I might share is that I always made a big deal after my Micheal was able get through a meltdown. Some positive attention. They may not convey it, but these kids don't feel good about themselves when these things are happening to them. I found that letting my son know how much I loved him, etc....was a huge help. These kids are scared and frustrated, they are dealing with their struggles with the only tools they have....anger, tears, etc...Your counting idea is a tool that he is using, and that is good. I would not add counting backwards. The counting is serving as a calming method, you don't want to add frustration to something that works.

I don't know if you have visited my blog, qannie47.blogspot.com I have written it so I can share with other parents all that I have learned from specialist, wise people, etc. I feel blessed that we have come so far with my kids. They are doing wonderful. qannie