I personally wouldn't call it defiance, be patient and feel for him. He is dealing with much more inside himself. Start a sensory diet, start looking online for different ideas. He is having a meltdown because he doesn't know how to cope. It is frustrating, believe me I know. My son is 8 now and ( not wanting to jinx myself) just last year he started getting to the point where I could relax a little. When there is a new routine, different school environment ( the start of every school year) he has a terrible time adjusting. He is seeking out what his body is craving he is annoyed by things that he cannot tolerate. Start a daily chart for him to follow with picture cards. Make it so they can be taken off once a task is completed, then if the routine changes you can change up the cards if needed. There are free sites to print them off on. Use timers as a warning as to when an activity is going to end. SPD kids have a horrible time transitioning and that can be a lot of the meltdown cause. " IN five minutes we need to clean up I will set the timer." He can finish whatever he is doing that is very important to him. Take the timer with you where you go if you have to! Weighted blankets, heavy work... have him carry in the milk, laundry soap, etc. Use his interests to your advantage. I remember this one time my son could not leave the house until he drew a diamond perfectly. We had to leave for school and he was drawing a diamond and the line would not come out perfect, he could not stop himself, he was in tears, it was so sad to see. SPD kids take things very literally, hard for them to think out of the box. There may be something they hear, smell, feel that we do not and that could be an issue as well. What is you form of punishment? I know time outs never worked with my son, sitting still was already an issue. I do , do push ups like 5 , I just recently made him an 'UH oh' box, when there is a behavior that is inappropriate he as to pick a punishment out of the box and do it. It can range from push ups to dusting. If he has a whole day without any uh ohs he gets to put a sticker on his chart and pick a reward. It works!!!!!!! I cannot express enough the visual aids!!! You need to make a mental record of what sets your child off and try and find another way to get something to work for him. For his shoes, if you know you are going somewhere, give him that warning and set the timer. It may take a few times, but it will work. He is being defiant because he cannot transition from what he is doing at the drop of a dime. Before you go somewhere give the game plan BUT always let him know that things can change and we need to be ready for it. If you have to go somewhere that requires a lot of sitting, take hi to do heavy work, run, jump, etc. get that energy out!!!! You guys will be ok, just be patient with him, he hurts and cannot help himself. You are the only people who will be his advocate for life and he needs to be able to let out his frustrations around people who won't judge him. Things will get better these kids are amazing and have amazing minds, my son is hysterical, super intelligent, loving, and extremely SESNSORY SEEKING!!!!! lol Everything will be ok!

Hi, yes, we are experiencing the same, and it is just wearing us down. I'm really worried that my husband is getting so burned out he might be thinking about leaving me. Worse, his fraternal twin brother, is almost as willful and disobedient, although he doesn't have Bobby's sensory seeking behaviors.

Like yours, they are much more tractable in group settings. Bobby is also much more likely to cooperate with a stranger than us. We're trying to work with "123 Magic," but just finding time to read a book is difficult. The twins just turned three, and I haven't taken them in for their yearly check-up, but when I do, I want to ask their pedi whether she thinks Bobby should be seen by a pediatric neurologist or child psychiatrist.

Take care,

Maggie

(04-11-2013, 04:44 PM)moshpa Wrote: Hi, I'm new here, posted an intro a few days ago on the introductions board. In a nutshell, I live in France and am 99% certain my 5 year old son has SPD, mainly sensory seeking.

But my question is: do you find that your sensory seeking child is also defiant and / or disobedient? That is what has my husband and me at our wit's end. We fight with him from morning to night, everything from "put your socks and shoes on" to "stop falling off your chair" to "brush your teeth and go to bed" - every single thing we say to him sets off a tantrum.

We're having a terrible time getting him seen here, and finding someone to figure out what is going on with him. We saw a child psychologist today whose response was: "Well, he is interesting, isn't he. I've never seen a child like him before." I wish I was joking.

The defiance is mainly towards my husband and me, it rarely comes out at school or in sports, though today at the psych's office, she asked him to do things (put away things he'd been playing with) and he blatantly ignored her like he does to us, and she & we had to ask him repeatedly. (But he didn't dissolve into a tantrum like he does with us.)

Sorry to ramble on... after 5 years of this behavior and little help from any quarter, I just don't know what to do or where to look at this point.

Hi Moshpa, My 6 and a half yr old is the same. He is defiant and he lies. He says he hasn't done anything when you have just seen him do it. He is not a problem at school, they haven't seen any of what I get. He likes routine and if it changes he has a meltdown. If school has a mufty day where they can wear what they like we both hate it. It can take us half an hour to get out of the house and that is after the socks, shoes, tags etc causing meltdowns. He shouts at me constantly which I can't tolerate and when he is angry he has started to lash out at doors, furniture or me.
I have noticed he also accuses me of saying things that I haven't said but is the answer that he would want to hear. E.g. Can I have the tv on, I have said no but he will scream at me that I said he could.
I am a single parent and a foster carer and the foster babies are easier to look after than him. Although he is adopted. Keep pushing on. We will get there in the end all-be-it very grey.

I've had better luck with the book Effective Parenting for the Hard to Manage Child over the 1-2-3 Magic method. I like the Effective Parenting book also because you only have to read the chapters applicable to your child.