Tabbers,

Thank you so much for your message. It is a relief to be able to discuss this, as nobody seems to understand.

My daughter's tantrums usually last between thirty minutes and an hour, though there have been times when they have lasted longer. She first started having these massive tantrums and not wanting to go out about a year ago, when our family moved across the country. We flew from our old city to the new one, and it seemed like going through the airports was torture for her. There was no calming her down. I just had to carry her through the airports while she screamed and wailed.

For about two months after we moved, things were extremely difficult. We were living in temporary housing, so we didn't have our familiar furniture, toys, etc. Some days it seemed like she was having a meltdown nearly the entire day, and she would even wake up in the night having a tantrum in her bed. My husband and I tried everything to calm her, but she wouldn't let us hold her and would hit us, run away, and bang into things. We often tried to restrain her because we were worried that she would hurt herself, but it seemed to make her more upset.

She also didn't want to go out of the apartment at all. I would have huge battles with her over getting dressed and outside. Once we were outside she sometimes did okay, but often had tantrums while we were out, especially if we were someplace busy and crowded like a mall.

Then we moved out of temporary housing and into our new house, and things seemed to get better. But all last summer the girls and I rarely left home, so that made things easier. She still would have tantrums, and she would get upset easily and hit herself or bang her head on the wall, but she wasn't having complete meltdowns as frequently. When I took her in for her three-year appointment I mentioned to the pediatrician that I was concerned about her having severe tantrums and hitting herself, and he just said that she didn't appear to be autistic and that some kids are just more emotional than others, making them harder to parent.

They started preschool in the fall, and I was really nervous. I didn't think she would want to go, but she did. The only thing was that every time I picked her up, she would be in a terrible mood and start having tantrums about getting in the car to go home. Then she would be in a bad mood the rest of the day. I just chalked it up to her being tired from school. Then she started to have tantrums more frequently, and eventually she started saying she didn't want to go to school. Now she doesn't seem to want to leave the house.

This morning she had a tantrum for one hour about not wanting to go to a birthday party. It all started when I suggested that she wear pants because it's cold outside. She was crying and screaming, and I felt so helpless. I tried to hug her, but she just pushed me away. I tried to carry her to the car and put her in her seat, but she was kicking and bucking and was just too strong for me to force her. We went back inside and she ran and banged the door to her room against the wall repeatedly, crying the whole time. I finally sat down on the couch with her sister and started reading her a book. Eventually she stopped crying and came over to listen, then she sat down on the couch with us and we read a book. When we finished the book she turned to me and said, "Now can we go to the birthday party?" It wasn't too late for us to go, so we went, and she was totally fine going to the car and everything (though she didn't wear pants, just her leotard and knee socks), and did fine at the party (just her usual shyness). I don't understand why she was so adamant about not going and why she changed her mind once she calmed down.

Thank you for the advice about keeping a journal--that is a great idea, and I think it will help a lot when I talk to her doctor. I'm nervous about talking to him because I suspect that he'll dismiss my concerns. Well, maybe I'm overreacting--I just don't know. Best wishes to you and your son. I saw that you posted a message, too, so I'll go and read it and respond there.

(02-06-2011, 01:29 PM)tabbers1227 Wrote: mimmy,
I am no expert, but this is something you may want to discuss with your child doctor. How long was your daughter in pre-school? It is pretty much a war to get my son dressed and put shoes on, just to get him to pre-school. He says he hates it but seems to be ok after he is there. He is also very antisocial and remains very quiet in the classroom. Another big question: how often and how long do the tantrums last? My son has went for 3-4hrs of physically violent tantrums ending with me physically restraining him, and seems as if he will never calm down. SPD children have a difficult time calming themselves down. Most of the time my son has no clue why he started crying to begin with.

It does sound like she has some sensory issues, but you as her parent, is the only person who knows your child. You can't always compare children as they grow and are so different but since she has a twin you can say this twin does this but this one doesn't. I hate to compare my children but sometimes you have to just to get some answers.


SPD, Autism, Bipolar, and OCD all seem to have many similar symptoms and so many doctors are reluctant to label a child b/c of the fear to misdiagnos. keep a journal of her day, did she have any fits, how long did they last, what started it, how did she calm down, even if she has a good day. Do this for a couple weeks, maybe even have a list of things one twin does differetly than the other. Then show your pediatrician and say these are my concerns.

Good luck with your children and I hope you find a way to help your little girl. It's a long and stressful journey but the sooner you find answers the sooner you and your daughter can start to help each other understand whats going on!