I've been reading some of the other posts about sleeping issues, so I know a lot of people are struggling with this as well and I am hoping to gain even more problem-solving insight.
I wrote a very long background story - in part because I've been locked in the house for a week with sick kids and I've lost my mind. Feel free to skip the background and go to the
for my question.
A started off as a co-sleeper (from her first night in the hospital). I allowed / encouraged it, because I nursed her and it meant that I got more sleep if she was in bed with me. She always slept better at nighttime or naptime if she was next to me. I paid the price when it was time to move her to her crib. I read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child" and ended up suffering through the cry it out method. The transfer to the big girl bed went really well at 2. I tried to do all the right things - I always made her put herself to sleep. I wanted her to have self soothing skills! (Side note: It was at this time we started having her evaluated.)
But around 3 she started to climb into our bed in the middle of the night. I never woke up when she did it, and my husband wasn't willing to get out of a warm bed to move her. So a bad habit began. It got worse around 4 years - she could no longer fall asleep alone and only wanted to be in my bed. She said she couldn't sleep alone. Really she couldn't sleep without me. Whenever my husband put her to bed, he always fell asleep next to her (usually before her). In the middle of the night she would wake up (he would still be there, because once again he didn't want to leave a warm bed), and she would crawl over her dad and climb into bed with me.
I discussed the problem with the parenting class I was in and the bottom line was that we need to consistently put her back in her own bed or put a sleeping bag on the floor next to my bed. My husband was at his wits end with her in bed with us. A (like other kids I have read about on this site) is a mover and a shaker in bed. She likes to do full rotations and has wild limbs. So instead of being consistent or giving her a sleeping bag, I found a beautiful king-sized bed at an amazingly low price on Craig's list. She was in our bed, but at least my husband could sleep.
My next attempt to problem solve was to get the family a dog. (Something I wanted to do anyways, but it was a way to convince my husband.) The dog really helped at first. The only furniture the dog was allowed on was A's bed, so she was thrilled to go to bed with A. We told A that the dog could protect her from anything - including monsters. It was a warm, cuddly body next to A and for 2 months it worked 90% of the time. The problem was that the dog couldn't sleep without A! So when A came into my bed the dog would cry. There were nights that I ended up in the twin bed with the dog. If A realized that I left my bed, she would find me. That meant I was in the twin bed with A, the dog and 10,000 stuffed animals / toys (My favorited was Buzz Lightyear. Whenever I streched out my legs, I accidently kicked him and he shouted "To Infinity and Beyond!").
Then school (Pre-K) started. The dog no longer cut it. A was away from me at preschool Monday through Friday from 11-2. For most kids it might not be a problem, but for A it has been really hard. (Currently, I am in the process of finding a school that is a better fit for her.) So now the kid and the dog is in our bed everynight! My husband is livid!
So that was a very, very long lead up to my basic question - Is your child in bed with you? Should I be tough and kick her out of my bed? It's one of the most common problem for parents, but does a child with SPD NEED to have that physical touch at night more than another child might? My touch helps her stay asleep at night. When she has bad dreams or anxious moments in her sleep, my touch and words can calm her and keep her asleep. She fights to hold it together all day and make good decisions; I think she needs this at night. We've tried weighted blankets, the dog, her dad and even little sister. I honestly think she needs me. So many things in her life is a struggle, am I doing her a disservice to allow this?
Please share your wisdom and experiences!******
