Hi Jane,

i'm brand brand new here, but wanted to give you some hope: i spent nearly my whole childhood weeping because i was different, because i so desperately wanted "to be like the other kids". As an adult, i realize it's always been because i have SPD (though we didn't have a name for it then). All i knew was that i was terribly lonely. i've always been bad at "doing what i'm supposed to do" socially; i'm not great at reading common social cues and have always hated talking about the weather. i can't turn off the part of me that is FEELING-- sensing and emoting.
Somehow, i stuck it out through high school and when i was in first year university things got a better. i started to meet people who were more like me, and who weren't weirded out by my quirks. i met a group of wonderful women who helped me name my needs a bit better, and i met my now-husband, who helped me to find balance and be comfortable following through on my needs. Things will get better. Your kid is not a weirdo-- she is a wonderful, strong, capable person. You are not an inadequate parent. Stick with your instinct about what she needs-- you will find balance.

Re: Sila's comment: For me, having deep touch (my husband-- who is a bear of a man-- jokingly and affectionately calls them "autistic hugs") helps me feel more in control. Usually this works best in combination with a quiet space. i think public school must just be a nightmare for those two needs (fortunately, i was home schooled till high school), but if there's some way to get creative about those things it's worth testing it out.